The Hunter's Guide
by MrSpockify
Summary: A guide to everything about hunting, by Sam, Dean, and Castiel. Requests welcomed.
1. Introductions

**Notes: **Hello! This is just a silly little idea I thought I'd try. It's just a guide to hunting written by Sam and Dean (and sort of Castiel). Each chapter will be about something different, like certain monsters or skills. If anyone has a request or idea of what they want a chapter to be about, leave it in a review or PM me.

* * *

The Hunter's Guide

_By Sam and Dean Winchester (and also Castiel)_

**Introductions:**

This is a guide to hunting. If you're not a hunter, put this book down. It tells secrets of the supernatural, yadda yadda, and so on. If you are a hunter, pay attention. This will probably help to not get your ass handed to you on a plate, so you're welcome.

I've been hunting things since I was a kid, so I've seen just about everything there is out there. I've also ganked just about everything there is out there, so that's why I'm qualified to write this book. Before you say "Oh, I know all about demons and ghosts, I don't need this!" first, shut the hell up, you are annoying and very wrong. Second, read the damn book before you get yourself killed.

Basically… Just read this and don't die. It's that simple.

DEAN

* * *

This is a book written by myself and my brother, Dean. It outlines in detail everything we know about the supernatural world, including how to handle situations you find yourself in, and how to protect yourself. Whether you are a hunter or not, you will probably need this information one day.

The world is filled with terrifying things; that's something I found out when I was just kid, unfortunately. But, regardless, it's true. However, you don't have to sit idly by and let yourself be destroyed. You can take precautions and fight back. It's hard, but not impossible.

That's what this book is for, and that's why we are writing it. We want to make sure everyone can be protected, even after we are gone. Read this book, take notes, and keep yourself safe. Good luck.

SAM

* * *

Sam and Dean told me to write whatever I want here. I do not desire to write anything.

CASTIEL


	2. Arsenal

**Notes: **Wow! Thanks to everyone who followed/favorited/reviewed. It was a tiny first chapter, and I'm thrilled you guys seemed to like it. :)

* * *

**Arsenal:**

There are two main things you need to keep with you at all times: weapons and food. Girls are optional, but highly suggested. Weapons keep you safe, food is your fuel, and women… Well, I don't think I need to tell you what they do.

When I say weapons, I'm not just talking guns. You need to have guns, yeah, but there's more than that. Those guns need to have silver bullets, for dealing with werewolves, shifters, and a whole hell of a lot more. You need to keep knives, too. Those come in handy, and are extra helpful if given to you by a demon. But don't go asking a demon for a knife. I'm serious. It'll kill you.

Along with those, you need holy water, salt, lamb's blood, Borax, holy oil, dead man's blood, iron, devil's traps, anti-possession tattoos, angel feathers…

Actually, it's pretty handy to have an angel hanging around. Not that you should track one down and keep it like a pet, but if one comes along, don't say no.

DEAN

* * *

Thank you, Dean. That's very kind of you to say.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, the point of this is not to insert random comments. This is a serious guide, and we are giving serious information. Unless you have something helpful to add, don't take up space.

DEAN

* * *

Oh, my apologies. I was not aware of how this works. I will refrain from making any more unnecessary comments in the future. Thank you for letting me know. I'm quite often lost as to how certain things work for humans. Now, at least, I think I am understanding this guide book better. You are writing it to future hunters, so they can more quickly adapt to the world of hunting. That is quite clever.

CASTIEL

* * *

Stop.

DEAN

* * *

Um… Anyway, as my brother described, you need more to your collection than just guns to keep you safe. Some of the things mentioned may sound strange, but they come in handy more often than not. It's better to keep these things with you just in case than to find yourself in need and not have them. Trust me, it isn't fun.

An easy way to collect these things is through other hunters. They can either give you certain items, or tell you how you can easily come across them. One of the best tools to have in your arsenal is other hunters. They have experience, which can help them understand your situation, and they will usually be willing to help you. Always keep in touch.

Another tool you need to have under your belt is knowledge, which is why reading this book is vital. You wouldn't go out onto the battlefield without knowing who the enemy is, right? Exactly. You need to know your stuff before you hunt. Researching what's out there is very important for your survival.

SAM

* * *

Of course you'd say knowledge is a weapon. Nerd.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, I thought we weren't supposed to insert our comments into this.

CASTIEL

* * *

Shut up.

DEAN


	3. Demons

**Demons:**

Ah, demons. Those are a big, smoky cloud of fun.

Demons possess people and use them for their own purposes. You can tell someone is a demon right off by their eyes (they'll be black). But if you're not sure, you can spray some holy water or use iron. If they happen to be a demon, you need to know how to protect yourself.

This is where the salt comes in handy. Salt the windows and doors if you are in a house, and surround yourself in a salt circle. Demons can't pass over these lines. Blasting them with rock salt work, too.

Next, exorcise that son of a bitch. Don't talk to them, don't befriend them, don't _drink their blood. _Just send it back to Hell and move on.

DEAN

* * *

Right, so demons are from Hell, obviously. They were once human souls sent to Hell, but were tortured beyond humanity, and that's when they turn into demons. Some souls, however, don't get tortured to that point. Instead, they turn the tables and start torturing other souls, which is a big mistake, just like I'm sure befriending a demon or drinking their blood would be. It's hard to tell which is worse, but torturing souls _does_ make new demons, so that one probably wins.

But anyway. For the exorcism, repeat as follows:

'Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica. Ut Ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos.'

Use this, along with what my brother said, and you'll be able to ward off most demons. There are few exceptions to this, but most of those demons are after us, so you probably don't need to worry about them.

SAM

* * *

I am an angel of the Lord, so I can use my powers to defeat demons. This doesn't help you, but I felt it necessary to put something here.

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **Another kind of small chapter, sorry. I found the exorcism chant online on several sources, so sorry if it's wrong. Blame the internet.

And thanks again to all my readers, and to everyone leaving suggestions. Noted and in the making! :)


	4. Ghosts

**Notes: **Thank you to CookieKlaineClan for requesting some ghost action. I also apologize because this chapter isn't as funny as the others. I'm still having feels over a certain friendly ghost that shall remain nameless... :'(

* * *

**Ghosts:**

You probably know what a ghost is from movies or TV shows or whatever. They're dead people that didn't, you know… go on to the next life. The longer their left to walk around, the more dangerous they become. You gotta kill them. Again.

But ghosts aren't really bad _people_. They just become nasty sons of bitches because of what happened to them. Sometimes, they're really good people in life. But no matter how great of a person they are, they can't fight this thing. They just… become what they are.

Ghosts are weak to salt and iron, like demons, so that'll keep them back for a little while, but you still need to take care of them for good. To get rid of a ghost, you need to salt and burn the remains of the deceased person. You better get real good at digging up graves. Put your back into it. If their remains are already burnt, the ghost may be attached to an object of high value to them. You need to burn that. This could be anything, like a picture, jewelry, a flask. Burning these things will set the ghost free. It's better that way.

DEAN

* * *

There are lots of types of ghosts, like poltergeists, vengeful spirits, specters, and many more. But most of the time, ghosts are just regular people who died unexpectedly. Sometimes they don't even know they're dead. It's unfortunate, but even in those cases, they need to be taken care of.

To know if you are dealing with a ghost, you should check for EMF (electromagnetic frequencies), flickering lights, and cold spots. All ghosts give off these signs. It's when you start seeing signs like ectoplasm and actually _seeing_ the ghosts that you need to be worried. In those cases, the spirit is very powerful. When spirits are particularly angry they possess the ability to show themselves and move objects around. You can only keep them behind salt lines for so long.

Ghosts aren't just lonely spirits floating around; they're fast, strong, and very dangerous. No matter who the spirit once belonged to, they need to be taken care of. It's selfish, and pretty stupid, to keep a ghost around forever. Plain and simple.

SAM

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, ghosts do not often say "Boo."

CASTIEL


	5. Angels

**Angels:**

* * *

Alright, guys, I've got this one.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, step away from the computer. Now.

DEAN

* * *

Why? I am an angel, so I therefore have more information about the subject by default. I'm the best choice for writing this section.

CASTIEL

* * *

You just learned how to use the keyboard yesterday. You're less qualified to write this than a cheeseburger. Sam, help me out here.

DEAN

* * *

I'm staying out of this.

SAM

* * *

Angels are winged celestial beings of the Lord. We were crafted by God to carry out duties in the name of Heaven, as we are warriors meant to serve the Lord with our upmost obedience. Our true forms and voices are too overwhelming to use while roaming the earth, as a simple glance at our bodies will cause a human to be blinded. So, when we are sent to earth, we use a human body as a vessel, though we must have permission to use the body first

CASTIEL

* * *

_Cas_…

DEAN

* * *

When connected to Heaven, angels possess the ability to heal others and kill demons with a simple touch. We also have teleportation and telepathy skills. We cannot be killed by simple ways; holy fire, angel blades, and a special exorcism chant are the only ways to kill an angel. When we die, our wings are projected as a shadow beneath our bodies.

CASTIEL

* * *

I don't know, Dean, I think he's doing pretty well.

SAM

* * *

Angels are more superior beings than humans, generally speaking.

CASTIEL

* * *

There it is.

DEAN


	6. Loki

**Notes: **A guest requested a random Gods chapter, so I'm gonna be throwing in a God every few chapters. Kind of cheated on this first one, but... whatever. :)

* * *

**Loki:**

* * *

Loki, the Trickster, whatever. His name is Gabriel, and don't let him fool you. He is not a god! He is an archangel, nothing more. If anything, he's also a gigantic asshat, but I guess that's a matter of opinion.

He does have pretty good taste in women, though…

But forget that. Just try to stay away from him; he's bad news. He messes with your head and gets off on it, the little bastard.

DEAN

* * *

This is one of the very few occasions where I am going to agree with my brother. I'd say it with different words, perhaps, but Dean summed up my feelings toward the Trickster pretty well. He's messed with me enough times that I've come to terms with the fact that I think he's an… asshat.

SAM

* * *

Regardless of what he has done, I do not wish to speak ill of my brother. He is, unfortunately, family.

CASTIEL

* * *

Well you have to say _something_. You probably know him better than either of us.

DEAN

* * *

Yes, I do. But he is my older brother, and I shall not speak badly about him in his absence. Besides, if he catches wind of this I will never hear the end of it.

CASTIEL

* * *

So basically, you're scared of what he'll do if he finds out you bashed him. Castiel, you've got the most normal brother relationship there is.

SAM

* * *

Oh, come on, Cas! Humor me. You've gotta have some stories about you two when you were younger. Embarrassing moments? Awkward family dinners? Anything?

DEAN

* * *

Okay, well… There was this one time a while back when Gabriel taught a fish how to walk on land. The next day, he found it three miles out, trying to climb the fence into a water park. You should have seen the look on his face.

CASTIEL

* * *

That's… a real zinger, Cas.

DEAN


	7. Associates

**Notes: **I don't know how used to these once-a-day updates you should get. I was on spring break before, but now I'm back in school. I'll try to keep updating once every day, but I'm probably not going to be able to keep it up for long.

No one requested a chapter like this, but I wanted to do it anyway, so *frolics away*

* * *

**Associates:**

* * *

Well, I'm gonna go ahead and write this chapter on my own. Sam doesn't need to know about this one. You can get everything you need to know from me. Besides, he'd probably just spout off some bullshit about friends and family. I'll let you in on the good stuff.

Firstly, I'll go ahead and point out that none of what I have to say here in any way reflects anyone in my life. I'll just be using general examples; nothing personal.

Okay, so what you need to know about the people you associate yourself with is that you're probably going to have to save their assess a lot, so you should make them people you actually like. No one wants to save someone who's annoying just because they have to.

If you're sharing, say, a car with your associate, you should make sure you don't find someone who smells like they had week-old sulfur burritos when they're gassy. Rolling down the windows does not help, and no amount of air freshener gets that scent out of the front seat. Or that's what I've heard, at least…

Next, when you pick your associates, make sure they won't wimp out in any situations where they shouldn't. This person should not, for example, be scared of something silly, like clowns. Now, that's just a random example, but it's a good one. Make sure they're not scared of clowns.

DEAN

* * *

Dean? What's going on?

CASTIEL

* * *

Get your feathery ass off the computer. You're going to get me caught!

DEAN

* * *

But I don't understand. I thought we were supposed to be writing this together.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, I swear if you don't get off right now I will draw up an angel sigil. I'm trying to write this before Saoianpocfovhp ,.[csdiprgvunoieurnscx jpv eoooooo

DEAN

* * *

Dean Winchester has been banned from the computer. Between this and all the porn, he has officially lost all privileges.

SAM

* * *

I don't understand.

CASTIEL


	8. Vampires

**Notes: **Loki's Aela Winchester Stark (epic name) asked for some vamps. It was a real pain in the neck. Ha... ha ha... ha...

* * *

**Vampires:**

Since Dean is absent for a while due to his computer banishment, I'll take the time now to cover vampires. This way, you'll get unbiased, factual information on how to hunt these monsters. Because that's what they are: monsters. Not only that, but they have an uncontrollable lust for human blood; one which they can't resist forever.

These things are extremely strong and fast. Their senses are way better than humans, and they can easily overpower you. You have to be careful if you come across one, and don't underestimate it.

Vampires aren't really portrayed correctly in the media. Sure, they drink blood and have sharp fangs and all, but they _do not_ sparkle. And sunlight doesn't kill them, it only hurts them. Garlic? Myth. Iron? Myth. Beheading? Okay, that one is true.

SAM

* * *

Sam… I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this. Shouldn't Dean be included?

CASTIEL

* * *

Castiel, he is being punished for hiding a chapter from me, so no, he shouldn't be included.

Anyway. You'll probably know if you're dealing with a vampire or not. Just look for some teeth marks. To kill a vampire, you have to behead the thing, which is easier said than done. You can slow them down with dead man's blood though, which makes them easier to fight.

SAM

* * *

What the hell is this?

DEAN

* * *

Dean! You are banned from the computer. How did you even know— _Castiel. _

SAM

* * *

This is about Benny, isn't it?

DEAN

* * *

Of course it's about Benny! I can't trust you to give accurate information when you have your past with vampires. Sorry, but that's the truth.

SAM

* * *

I let you write about demons a while back, and you've got quite the history with them, don't you? Demon blood, Ruby, the final seal… But I looked past that, because I have grown up enough to forgive your idiotic mistakes. Guess you haven't gotten there yet, huh?

DEAN

* * *

Oh, please! You are such a child, Dean. Let's not forget you broke the first seal, either. You started it.

SAM

* * *

I started it? Yeah, _I'm_ the child here.

DEAN

* * *

I have made a mistake…

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **Ok now everybody go to the nearest crossroad and bargain your soul for it to snow really hard where I am so I get out of school, that way I can work on my fanfiction all day. :D

Also thank you for all of the wonderful feedback I'm getting on this story. I'm so glad you guys seem to like it!


	9. Kitsune

**Notes: **rya-fire1 requested I do a chapter on kitsune a while ago. I forgot about it, so sorry it's so late.

Also, someone must have just sold half of their soul, because we only got a two-hour late start. Thanks anyway Haha ;)

* * *

**Kitsune:**

* * *

Coming from Japanese mythological background, kitsune are clever foxes with supernatural powers. Although their normal form is a fox, they possess the ability to take on a human form, so they can more easily blend in to their surroundings.

These creatures are stronger than the humans that they feed off of, and have claws which can help them gain better access to the pituitary gland, which they consume for nourishment. If they don't have access to this nutrition, the kitsune will starve. The only other way to kill it is to stab it in the heart.

CASTIEL

* * *

How do you know so much about kitsune?

SAM

* * *

I have recently come across some detailed documents outlining the background of these creatures. The source of the records was reliable enough that I took the time to read over them for research.

CASTIEL

* * *

Did you steal my notes?

SAM

* * *

I borrowed them. Who is Amy?

CASTIEL

* * *

You can't just steal my stuff! That notebook was inside my bag. Did you go through my bag?

SAM

* * *

Sam, calm down. I'm sure he didn't mean it. Cas, give him his notebook back. You can't just go through other people's stuff. People don't like that.

DEAN

* * *

Then I suppose you will be wanting me to return your razor, Dean?

CASTIEL

* * *

What. Cas… You didn't… use it, did you? Please, tell me you didn't use my razor to trim some weird place where feathers grow. I really don't want any angel pubes, man, I use that razor on my face.

DEAN

* * *

Relax, Dean, I'm sure he didn't mean it.

SAM

* * *

I could do without the sarcasm, Sam. This is serious. The fate of my perfect stubble hangs in the balance.

DEAN

* * *

Do not worry, Dean. I did not use the razor on myself.

CASTIEL

* * *

What.

DEAN


	10. Shapeshifters

**Notes: **mb64, Cjabbott, and Sherlockian082994 all wanted shifters. Very popular choice! Haha

* * *

**Shapeshifters:**

* * *

Friggin' shifters. Those assholes turn into you, then get you arrested and sent to jail just because they committed crimes with your face on. You know how many cops will believe you when you say it wasn't you, it was a shifter? _Zero_.

DEAN

* * *

Ok, well, on a less personal note, shapeshifters are creatures who can manipulate themselves to take the form of any human, living or dead. They shed their skin when they shift, leaving it behind, disgustingly enough. When they become a person, they have the same DNA, fingerprints, and memories of the one they look like. All of this helps them to mimic people perfectly.

Although shifters look human, they possess superhuman abilities. They are very fast and very strong, and can regenerate wounds that they receive. When they are on camera, shifters' eyes give off a glare, which can help you find them if you have access to security footage. When you find a shifter, you need to use silver. A silver bullet or a silver blade to the heart will kill them.

SAM

* * *

Awl bjev adko… Njab'k jammewiwf? I low'b uwleckbawl.

RAKBIED

* * *

What the hell is Cas doing?

SAM

* * *

Ha! All of the keys on his computer are switched around.

DEAN

* * *

Kopebjiwf ik yecv ncowf.

RAKBIED

* * *

Dean, why would you do that to him? You know how he is with technology. There's no need to make it worse.

SAM

* * *

Wasn't me. Must've been a shifter…

DEAN

* * *

Kewl jedm.

RAKBIED

* * *

I know it was you. And now I'm gonna have to fix it for him, because he'll never figure it out on his own. Thanks, Dean.

SAM

* * *

Mdeake…

RAKBIED

* * *

**Notes: **Whoever can decipher everything Cas said first, I will dedicate this guide to you. Hint: all of the vowels are still in their correct spots. Another Hint: each letter is switched with one other throughout. Ex: R and H, L and C, etc. (But those aren't what I actually used.) Good luck. :D


	11. Symbols and Sigils

**Notes: **PastelCake is the winner of the decoding challenge (not to mention they were freaking fast!). So I officially dedicate this guide you and your pink llama profile picture, PastelCake.

StarStreakedSky and Cjabbott decoded it as well, so they get honorable mention.

And everybody gets extra points for putting up with me. *confetti*

The translation is: "And they also... What's happening? I don't understand." "Something is very wrong." "Send help." "Please..."

Cjabbott asked for a chapter on symbols and sigils, so here is this one. :)

* * *

**Symbols/Sigils:**

* * *

The more symbols and sigils you know, the better off you are. Additionally, the more you know, the more people think you're a Satanist. Put a pentagram somewhere, and you're an instant antichrist.

DEAN

* * *

Ironically, though, pentagrams are used for the exact opposite. They ward off evil, as opposed to aiding the worship of it. The pentagram is used in the devil's trap, for instance. Accompanied by five symbols inside the circle, a pentagram can trap demons, giving you time to exorcise it. Once a demon steps foot into the circle, it cannot escape.

Dean and I both sport an anti-possession tattoo, which is also made up of a pentagram. This keeps demons from using us as meat suits.

SAM

* * *

Don't forget the angel banishing sigil, boys.

UNKNOWN

* * *

What the hell?

DEAN

* * *

Of course. The angel banishing sigil is a circle surrounded by Enochian symbols written in blood, which will banish any angels from the immediate premises. Enochian symbols can be used to keeps angels out of buildings, as well as conceal humans from angels. I carved Enochian sigils into Dean and Sam's ribcages, which keeps them hidden. You're welcome, by the way.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, that's great, Cas. But who the hell is 'Unknown?'

DEAN

* * *

And why are they being helpful?

SAM

* * *

You don't need to know either of those answers, Winchesters and angel friend. I am simply a mysterious collaborator, hiding in the dark and awaiting my moments to strike, not unlike a cobra. Be wary and thankful, travelers. I bid you ado.

UNKNOWN

* * *

**Notes: **Any guesses on who Unknown is? It's probably not actually that hard to guess. Haha


	12. Werewolves

**Notes: **Werewolf chapter, requested by mb64. There were a lot of nice guesses for who Unknown was... Wonder if any were right...

* * *

**Werewolves:**

* * *

Alright. I've put a password on here, so only we can get into it and write. No more 'Unknown.'

Now, onto werewolves. These are creatures that morph from humans into half-human, half-wolf monsters. They, like wolves, are carnivores, and they eat the hearts of their prey. A person becomes a werewolf when they are bitten by one. When they change form, the werewolf gains long fangs and claws, and it becomes dangerously fast and powerful. Not to mention their wolf-like senses, which are much better than a human's.

SAM

* * *

When in the wolf form, werewolves become exactly what they are. They're animalistic predators, which means they'll kill anyone and everyone if it means they get to eat. It doesn't matter if their prey is a friend or family member; if they're alive, then they're food.

DEAN

* * *

Like a lot of other monsters, werewolves are hurt by silver. Use a silver knife or bullet to kill it.

SAM

* * *

You know, you could skin it with a silver knife and make a nice fur coat. Then it'd be a _wear_wolf.

DEAN

* * *

Seriously? You're ridiculous.

SAM

* * *

That was hilarious and you know it.

Hey, why hasn't Cas commented yet? I would have thought he'd have something to say about my fur coat joke.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah, he usually has something to add… You did give him the password, right?

SAM

* * *

No, I thought you did.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, I told you to tell him!

SAM

* * *

Son of a bitch.

DEAN

* * *

You two didn't tell him? Well, thank God you found out quickly! Better now than five entries from now, huh?

UNKNOWN

* * *

_Son of a bitch!_

DEAN

* * *

How the hell did you figure out the password?

SAM

* * *

Impalalalala67, however ridiculous, isn't hard to guess. Kevin helped me, anyway.

UNKNOWN

* * *

Garth. Seriously.

DEAN

* * *

Balls.

GARTH


	13. King of Hell

**Notes: **Abby asked for a chapter on Crowley, so I will happily oblige. This was pretty fun to write, actually...

* * *

**King of Hell:**

* * *

Also known as the biggest Scottish asshole who ever roamed the earth. Demon or not, I want to punch him in the throat every time I see him.

DEAN

* * *

Crowley, formerly known as Fergus Rodric McLeod, is a crossroads demon. When Lilith and Lucifer were removed from the picture, he kind of just… took over Hell. He's a demon, so he has all of the perks that come with that, including a weakness to things like holy water, which is pretty helpful for us.

Crowley has an ego as big as Hell itself, which makes him unbearable, to say the least. He's a narcissistic, tiny, loud-mouthed, little man. A conceited midget who thinks he can go around spouting petty insults when he can't even see over the counter at stores, the little friggin' ass—

SAM

* * *

Woah, there, Sammy. Take a breather. I hate him as much as the next Hell-bound guy, but you have to admit, he has his moments. Let's not forget Crowley gave Bobby his legs back, right?

DEAN

* * *

You know, I knew Crowley when he was a human. I was acquaintances with Fergus.

CASTIEL

* * *

Really?

SAM

* * *

JK. I never knew him beforehand. I was pulling your leg. LOL.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, what are you doing?

SAM

* * *

I believe I'm really getting the hang of this computer speak. I'm very fond of OMG, actually. I think it really brings faith into technology, where it seriously lacks. I've come up with another, as well. Oh My Faithful God.

CASTIEL

* * *

No, Cas.

DEAN

* * *

OMFG for short.

CASTIEL

* * *

Don't… Don't do that. Please.

DEAN


	14. Leviathans

**Notes: **Loki's Aela Winchester Stark wanted some Leviathans. :)

* * *

**Leviathans:**

* * *

Leviathans were one of God's first creations, but he locked them away in Purgatory to keep them from destroying everything.

SAM

* * *

He locked them away because they are big bags of dicks.

CASTIEL

* * *

Damn, Cas, don't hold back.

DEAN

* * *

I'm very sorry. I did not mean to press send…

CASTIEL

* * *

Ok… Well, Leviathans are very powerful creatures. They're virtually immortal, even in human form. They can possess people, and are very strong and fast. They use their strength and intelligence to prey on people, which they eat.

It's very difficult to kill a Leviathan, but not exactly impossible. All you need is the bone of a righteous mortal washed in the blood of a fallen angel, a demon, and an Alpha. But if you don't have that lying around, they can be slowed down by decapitation or, of all things, borax.

SAM

* * *

Drown all those bitches in borax.

CASTIEL

* * *

Jesus Christ, Cas, take a chill pill.

DEAN

* * *

I am not meaning to press send, Dean. My apologies for any unwanted messages.

CASTIEL

* * *

It's called the backspace. You should learn to use it.

DEAN

* * *

You should learn to shut up, Dean.

CASTIEL

* * *

Excuse me?

DEAN

* * *

I am going to begin using the backspace.

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **In my world Castiel doesn't know anything about computers...


	15. Wendigos

**Wendigos:**

* * *

'Wendigo' means "evil that devours," which is a pretty good description of the creature. Wendigos start out as humans, but over hundreds of years of having to eat human flesh to survive, they transform into the creatures they are now.

Wendigos are incredibly tall and thin. They've got red eyes, but if you get close enough to see them, you're probably going to die. These monsters are very quick and strong, and they have large claws that they use to… you know, kill people. They can lure their victims in by using voice mimicry, so if you happen to be out in the woods hunting one and you hear someone you know cry out for help, think twice before going to them. It could be a trap.

They keep their victims in dark places, like caves or mines, so they can feed on them later. They have to live through long winters, so this hoarding of food helps them survive, however brutal it is to the people involved.

The only way to kill a Wendigo is by using fire. You can also keep them away from you by using Anasazi symbols drawn in a circle around you. But they'll wait for you to come out, or they'll draw you out, so you need to burn them as quickly as possible.

And… that's about it. I can't believe Dean let me write that entire thing without interruption. I'm impressed.

SAM

* * *

Well, I've learned to shut up, as I have been told I should.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, if you are referring to what I said earlier, I didn't mean it. I didn't intend to send that.

CASTIEL

* * *

But you did send it, and you want me to shut up. So you know what? Fine. I will.

DEAN

* * *

I am sorry. I don't want you to shut up. I was just writing nonsense.

CASTIEL

* * *

… Dean?

SAM

* * *

Dean, please write something. Your input is necessary. I am very sorry for what I said.

CASTIEL

* * *

Oh my input is necessary now? That's not what you said before. No, you thought my input was so bad, you told me to shut up. And that was probably the nicest thing you had in mind to say. Did you want to drown me in borax, too? Do you think I'm a big bag of dicks, too? I'm guessing you do, Cas!

DEAN

* * *

Ok, maybe we should all just calm down. How's that sound? Dean, do you really blame Castiel for telling you to shut up? Let's be honest, it's not the worst thing that's been said to you. And he regrets saying it. Are you really that angry at him?

SAM

* * *

Well… No, I guess not.

DEAN

* * *

And Cas, do you really want Dean to shut up?

SAM

* * *

No, I don't.

CASTIEL

* * *

Alright, there we go. See? You two were fighting for no reason. Now… Hug it out.

SAM

* * *

If it's customary, then very well.

CASTIEL

* * *

Don't even think about it.

DEAN

* * *

**Notes: **Wendigos were requested by mb64. A little tussle between Dean and Cas with Sam as moderator was requested by Cjabbott. Though I doubt this is the last fight to come...

Also, Happy Easter, everyone!


	16. Deities

**Notes: **This chapter was heavily influenced by Cjabbott. :)

* * *

**Deities:**

* * *

Sam, I was figuring I could have most of this chapter, since you had most of the last. You can still input and stuff, I was just wondering if I could have the majority of it?

DEAN

* * *

Um… Yeah, I guess that's fair. Have at it.

SAM

* * *

Thanks. Ok, so most Gods are immortal beings that appeared over time. Most of them became the head figures of religious followings, which collected many followers, like in Hinduism or Islam. Then there's Greek gods, Norse gods, Roman gods, blah, blah blah. The list goes on and on.

Now, these Gods, the majority of whom gathered their own following _themselves_, are very powerful. Whether through human sacrifices, age, or _other_ means, they have powers superior to most monsters or supernatural creatures. They are very strong and fast, can teleport, shapeshift, conjure things, resurrect, etc.

DEAN

* * *

Although Gods are very powerful being, higher than most anything you'll ever encounter, they can be killed. You can—

SAM

* * *

Now you'll notice I keep saying _most _when referring to Gods. _Most_ Gods made themselves a very, very long time ago. _Most_ Gods collected their own following. _Most_ Gods gain their power through sacrifices or just age.

DEAN

* * *

Um… Dean? Is this going somewhere important?

SAM

* * *

You bet it is.

You see, then you have Gods that get where they are by other means. Say, they might swallow a few too many souls and gain an ego while they're at it. Just for an example, of course.

DEAN

* * *

Alright, anyway. You can kill a God through certain rituals for the certain God. Some can also be killed by—

SAM

* * *

These types of Gods are the worst. These are the ones who go on a rampage and kill a shit ton of people and angels. They lose their freaking mind for a little while and forget who they are.

DEAN

* * *

…wooden stakes. Or any higher powers can kill them as well, like more powerful Gods And if they get their powers from sacrifices, a lack of sacrifices can lead to reduction of their power.

SAM

* * *

SOMETIMES ANGELS GO POWER CRAZY AND BECOME GOD FOR A WHILE AND FORGET WHO THEIR FRIENDS ARE AND WHAT THEY'VE DONE FOR THEM IN THE PAST.

DEAN

* * *

I am sensing an underlying meaning to what you are saying, Dean.

CASTIEL

* * *

Ok, that is enough. I am tired of this petty feud between the two of you. The next chapter is going to be on friendship, and I swear to God you two are going to write it if it's the last thing I ever do. This fight is over.

SAM

* * *

Don't you mean 'I swear to Castiel?'

DEAN

* * *

I am going to rip out your trachea and shove it up your ass.

SAM

* * *

**Notes: **Also, I wanted to quickly note that I don't really write these in any particular order. What I mean by that is if you request something,** I WILL WRITE IT**. I _promise_. I can't promise the requests will be in the order of when they were requested, however. I just want to make sure no one feels like I'm ignoring their asks. I just write in the order of inspiration, that's all. There's a list of ideas from everyone, and I pick one randomly.

Thank you all very, very much!


	17. Friendship

**Notes: **I kind of got out of control with this whole Moderator!Sammy thing...

* * *

**Friendship:**

* * *

You have got to be kidding me.

DEAN

* * *

Do I look like I'm kidding? I want you to think long and hard, Dean. Does it seem like this is a fucking joke? _Does_ _it_?

SAM

* * *

This is absolutely ridiculous. This guide is for hunting, not friendship and love and freaking rainbows. It's unprofessional to waste time on this. We could be helping people out with rugarus or ghouls, but _no_, Sam wants to have a counseling session. Let's put all of this hunting business aside, because we need to talk about feelings!

DEAN

* * *

That is _exactly_ what we are going to do. You and Cas are going to tell each other your feelings, why you are feeling them, and what you want each other to do to fix it. Now go.

SAM

* * *

I am not going to do this. Me and the Trenchcoat Toddler have a fine relationship, thank you very much.

DEAN

* * *

I believe Dean often does not consider my feelings when he says certain things. Calling me a baby, however childish in itself, it a tad hurtful. I am a very old being. Also, Dean is quite offensive, sometimes. Calling me anything with the word 'feather' in it borders on racism towards angels.

CASTIEL

* * *

This is not happening.

DEAN

* * *

Sometimes I think Dean forgets how much I have done for him. I pulled him from Hell, I went through Purgatory with him, I rebelled for him, I have bled for him, I have killed for him, I have saved his life and his brother's life more than once… I do so much, and I feel he often does not remember how much I have given up for him.

CASTIEL

* * *

I hate my life.

DEAN

* * *

Thank you, Cas. See? If an angel can do it, you can do it. He has poured his heart out onto the page. Now it's your turn.

SAM

* * *

I am going to regret this.

Ok, fine. Um… I feel like, sometimes, Cas thinks he's way better than me. He's an angel or whatever, but I don't think I should be treated like an ant in comparison to him. I'm afraid he'll decide he's too godly for me and ditch me.

Happy?

DEAN

* * *

_Thank you_. Doesn't it feel better to get that off your chest?

SAM

* * *

Why would you think I am better than you? We are equals, Dean. We've both been to the same places, done the same things… I am sorry if you ever feel like I act that way. I don't mean it. We are the same in my eyes, and I will never abandon you.

CASTIEL

* * *

I know. I just… I don't know. I'm just worried, that's all.

And I know what you've done for me. I think about it every time I see you. Every time I think about you, I know everything you've sacrificed for me, and it kills me inside. You've given more to me than I could ever return.

DEAN

* * *

I don't regret any of my actions. I'd do it the same way, if given the chance.

CASTIEL

* * *

I'll never call you a baby again. I promise.

DEAN

* * *

Thank you, Dean.

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **batshitcrazy69 also requested Destiel, so I might have (very, very willingly) slipped a little bit in.


	18. Transportation

**Notes: **Ok I know I already posted once tonight, but since this chapter is pretty short I was like why the heck not? keslei asked if I could do a chapter on methods of transportation. It kind of turned into a chapter about the Impala a little bit... Sorry about that Haha

* * *

**Transportation:**

* * *

You need to have a sweet set of wheels to get you from point A to point B, no ifs, ands, or buts. It's one of the most important things a hunter needs to survive. A lot of people don't pay much attention to what they get around in, but I am telling you, pay attention. This is your lifeline we're talking about.

Me? I've got the sweetest Baby to ever roam the roads.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, you promised you wouldn't call me that.

CASTIEL

* * *

What? No! Not you! My Baby is my car, you jackass. She's the best car a guy could have. Sturdy, fast, and beautiful. She's been through so much, but she never gives up. I've fixed my Baby up more times than I can count. Told Dad to get her when she was brand new, and now that '67 Chevy Impala is all mine.

DEAN

* * *

Do you need a moment to wipe the drool off your chin? She's just a car, Dean.

SAM

* * *

You shut your trap about my Baby. She's gotten us through thick and thin, and you know it. What a hunter chooses for transportation becomes part of their life. It's more than a car; it's a family member. It's always there for you.

DEAN

* * *

Okay…

SAM

* * *

I prefer wings. They are much faster than vehicular transportation, and they are, quite literally, a part of me. So I suppose they are always there for me as well.

CASTIEL


	19. Lucifer

**Notes: **OrionRedde said "LET'S DO THE DEVIL NEXT" which made me laugh hysterically, so I will indeed do the Devil next.

* * *

**Lucifer:**

* * *

The Devil is a basically rolling ball of daddy issues.

DEAN

* * *

Are we even allowed to make those kinds of jokes? It's a little hypocritical…

SAM

* * *

Whatever. I'm guessing you've all heard the story of Lucifer, or at least the basic outline. In case you haven't, I'll give the brief summary.

Satan was Dad's favorite little angel, literally, until the humans came to be. God was all, "Bow down to these people," and Satan was like, "No." So he was banished and sent to Hell.

DEAN

* * *

Well put.

SAM

* * *

That was not well put at all, Sam. The story of my brother is much more complex than a simple, "No." He was the most beloved angel of them all, beautiful and remarkable. When God asked him to love humans as much as God himself, Lucifer could not. He felt that because the humans were flawed, he could not love him as he loved his father. For this, he was punished and sent to Hell by Michael.

CASTIEL

* * *

Well if you want to be technical…

DEAN

* * *

Lucifer is a powerful archangel, second to Michael. He once reigned over Hell, father to all demons, until he was locked once more in a cage, where he cannot break free. He is still alive, but contained.

SAM

* * *

Lucifer got out once, when enough seals were broken to release him.

DEAN

* * *

But he's back in now so it's ok.

SAM

* * *

Well… Yeah, but when he got out, it started the Apocalypse.

DEAN

* * *

We don't need to talk about that.

SAM


	20. Horsemen

**Notes: **moonChild222, Jasper6509, and Cjabbott all mentioned something about one or more of the Horsemen, so I just did a chapter on them all. My favorite Horseman is Death. He's awesome.

Who's your favorite? (just curious, feel free to ignore)

* * *

**Horsemen:**

* * *

There are a total of four Horsemen of the apocalypse, War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. They are very old beings, neither demon nor angel, and immortal. Each Horseman has a ring, which holds their main powers, and also happens to be the keys to Lucifer's Cage.

The Horsemen, when not invisible, can make themselves look human. They cannot, however, be destroyed. And even though they aren't necessarily on the side of Heaven or Hell, they are very dangerous to everyone. Because, you know… they are War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death…

The first Horseman is War.

SAM

* * *

Only good memories with that one. Such a nice guy. Real sweet and peaceful.

DEAN

* * *

… You done?

SAM

* * *

Yeah, I'm good.

DEAN

* * *

War is very powerful and very smart. He can cause people to act on emotions that they may not even realize they have, even heightening conflict enough for people to murder each other. He's chaotic and destructive. Basically, War.

The next is Famine.

DEAN

* * *

Perhaps Dean would like some pie before we continue.

CASTIEL

* * *

Alright there, sassy Cassie.

DEAN

* * *

Um… Famine brings out the want in people. This can be love, physical hunger, or desire for anything, really. This isn't normal appetite for something, though. What he does to you makes something irresistible, to the point where you have little to know control.

SAM

* * *

Perhaps Cas would like a burger before we continue?

DEAN

* * *

It was Jimmy who desired red meat so much, not me. Although I do believe I broke some sort of record of consumption that day…

CASTIEL

* * *

Pestilence is another Horseman.

SAM

* * *

Achoo.

DEAN

* * *

God bless you.

CASTIEL

* * *

No, Cas, it was a… Nevermind.

DEAN

* * *

Pestilence is illness, plague, etc. He can create diseases very easily, and spread them among people. It's messy, disastrous, and, well, sick.

The last Horseman is Death.

… Any comments?

SAM

* * *

Nah, Death is alright.

DEAN

* * *

He is the oldest and most powerful Horseman, perhaps even older than God himself. His power is kind of self-explanatory. Unlike the other three, Death's power doesn't come solely from his ring. He even gave it up willingly to Dean when we needed it, which was much easier than anyone expected.

SAM

* * *

Ok, let's make you have pizza with Death. It's not _that_ easy.

DEAN

* * *

You shared a pizza with Death?

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, he's got this weird thing for food. Anything fried, I think he'll like.

DEAN

* * *

Who does that sound like?

CASTIEL

* * *

Ok, what is up with this Sass-Master Cas thing? I'm not sure I like it.

DEAN

* * *

I do.

SAM


	21. Reapers

**Notes: **mb64 and a Guest requested reapers.

If I ever don't put you in the acknowledgements and you requested the chapter, I promise I didn't do it on purpose. I don't note who requested things, so I go back in the reviews and try to find everyone who asked for it. I don't doubt that I have (or will) miss some names here or there.

* * *

**Reapers:**

* * *

Reapers work for Death, and are necessary for death to actually happen. They find people who have reached their time and touch them so they die. Then they bring their soul to either Heaven or Hell. They are completely impartial, so they won't bargain on where to take you. If the deceased refuses to go with them, reapers have to leave them there. That's how we end up with spirits.

SAM

* * *

Surprise, surprise, you really don't want to see one of these unless you are initiating the meeting. And from personal experience, it kind of sucks to be on a first-name bases with these things.

DEAN

* * *

Right. It's a little disheartening.

Reapers are able to do a lot of things. They can teleport, manipulate time and memories, resurrect the dead (though they don't do this very often), and, of course, kill with a single touch. They're immortal and invulnerable to most things, but can be killed it certain ways. Angel blades and Death's scythe are two ways to gank a reaper.

SAM

* * *

YOU SHOULDN'T NECESSARILY TRY TO KILL A REAPER, THOUGH. THEY ARE ESSENTIAL IN KEEPING BALANCE AND ORDER TO THE NATURAL WORLD.

WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY IS THE COMPUTER WRITING LIKE THIS?

CASTIEL

* * *

You hit the caps lock, Genius. Just click it again.

DEAN

* * *

WHAT IS 'CAPS LOCK?' DEAN THIS MAKES ME APPEAR TO BE SCREAMING. I AM NOT SCREAMING.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yes, I am aware of that. Just click the button that says 'Caps Lock' and it will be fixed.

DEAN

* * *

I CAN'T FIND IT. LET ME ATTEMPT A SIGIL. PERHAPS THAT WILL FIX IT.

CASTIEL

* * *

That won't fix anything. Just look at your keyboard and find the button.

DEAN

* * *

THE SIGIL DID NOT WORK. THERE IS BLOOD DRIPPING INTO THE KEYBOARD AND IT IS STICKY, DEAN. I CAN'T SEE WHAT IS ON THE SCREEN.

CASTIEL

* * *

You wrote the sigil on your screen in blood!? Please, _please_ tell me it was your own…

DEAN

* * *

BLEACH IS NOT HELPING TO CLEAN IT UP.

CASTIEL

* * *

Great. We have to buy him a new computer.

SAM


	22. Ghouls

**Notes:** Ghouls were requested byJasper6509.

There's actually not a lot out there about ghouls on Supernatural. The articles I found were pretty small compared to others. But I put as much in as I could find. I tried my best...

* * *

**Ghouls:**

* * *

Ghouls are about as cute and cuddly as any other creature that lives in graveyards and eats corpses. They do, sometimes, eat the living as well. Whether their pray is alive or dead, ghouls can take the form of whomever they have eaten.

SAM

* * *

Yeah, like when they take the form of your long-lost half-brother and his mother. Not as fun as it sounds. Ice them before they can trick you.

DEAN

* * *

Right. So, ghouls can shapeshift, they are incredibly fast and strong, and they aren't affected by a lot of things. Guns barely phase them, and so on. You need to decapitate a ghoul to kill it.

SAM

* * *

Hey, batter batter. Hey, batter batter. Swing!

Not that I've ever been to a baseball game. My long-lost half-brother has, but whatever. It's understandable. Dad saw him, like, once or twice a year. He only saw us about, oh, every day. Guess he didn't have enough time to take us.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah, well… In lore, ghouls are often describes as undead creatures that feed on buried bodies. Although the latter half of that can be true, ghouls aren't actually undead. They're just monsters.

SAM

* * *

There is so much not caring about that going on right now.

DEAN

* * *

Ok, get over it. You don't even _like_ baseball.

SAM

* * *

Well, I might have if I had ever seen it!

DEAN

* * *

Sum excitata a mea altus sopor cum hospes meus obiecti usum. Vos mihi ero. Scribe verba mea usque ad sanguinem digito futura es, et non prius. Non reflectitur supra omnes historiae testantur elit.

CASTIEL

* * *

Woah. Whatcha doing there, Cas?

DEAN

* * *

Nunquam quiescendo, non desinunt, numquam obliviscens, ad fabulam. Vobis in perpetuum erit mea scribæque. Vobis in perpetuum erit angelum meum. Hanc historiam et vos sciatis mortis recordentur.

CASTIEL

* * *

Alright, cut it out. That's weird.

DEAN

* * *

Scribes cum morte tua, palmas. Morieris in manu calamum. Legitur in fine, et finis rerum.

CASTIEL

* * *

I don't think he can stop. Dean, where did you get his new computer?

SAM

* * *

I may have swiped it from a dude at a thrift store. He looked a little sketchy…

DEAN

* * *

Verba ad pages ad fabulas instes scribere. Et flebis scream putrescit in litteris.

CASTIEL

* * *

Well you might want to return it.

SAM

* * *

**Notes: **I won't make you guys go translate all of that, I promise. In order, Cas typed:

"I have awakened from my deep slumber with my host object's use. You will be mine. You are destined to write my words until your fingers bleed, and you will not stop. My history will be reflected upon the page for all to witness."

"Never resting, never ceasing, never forgetting the story. You will forever be my scribe. You will forever be my messenger. You will know this history and remember it as your death sentence."

"You will write your own death with your palms. You will die at the hand of the pen. The story will end you, and you will end the story."

"Words to pages to stories you will continue to write. You will weep and scream and rot away at the pen."

Also, I used Google translate for that. so if it's completely inaccurate , I'm sorry. I don't know Latin. :P


	23. Cursed Objects

**Notes: **Sherlockian082994 and Morgan Elizebeth Jacobs requested cursed objects. Thought this might be a nice way to fit it in... lol

* * *

**Cursed Objects:**

* * *

So we're going to have a talk about cursed objects right now, because apparently some of us don't understand how important it is for the things they own to _not be cursed_. I'm looking at you, Dean.

SAM

* * *

How was I supposed to know the sketchy guy at the store cursed his freaking laptop? Who does that?

DEAN

* * *

The point is, you should have checked the thing over first. Now Castiel doesn't trust technology. He keeps asking me to type his input for him, which I will _not_ do.

SAM

* * *

You have to admit, it's pretty funny. Now he won't use the computer unless it's surrounded in a circle of salt. And he says the exorcism chant the entire time he uses it.

DEAN

* * *

It isn't funny, it's annoying. He makes me hold his laptop when we go places. And he makes me check to see if it's possessed before he takes it back.

SAM

* * *

He has been through a traumatizing event, and he is scarred, Sam. Give him a break, you heartless animal.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, I can hear Castiel chanting from the other room, and I can hear you laughing at him.

SAM

* * *

Oh, come on. He is hilarious.

DEAN

* * *

Anyway. Cursed objects can be anything effected by black magic. They cause misfortune to the people who possess them, and can even cause death in some cases. Some of these objects can have a sort of mind control, making their users do things unwillingly.

To get rid of the object, you must place it in a curse box, which is a container covered in special sigils to keep the black magic under control.

SAM

* * *

The computer is under control, right?

CASTIEL

* * *

Yes, Cas, the computer is under control. And your new computer is not cursed or possessed or anything. You can stop chanting.

SAM

* * *

Never.

CASTIEL


	24. Okami

**Notes: **rya-fire1 requested Okami. I'm actually watching 'Weekend At Bobby's' as I type this... He's killing the Okami right now...

* * *

**Ōkami:**

* * *

Before we even _start_ this chapter, is everybody at their respective computers and ready and willing to type?

SAM

* * *

Yup.

DEAN

* * *

_Cas…_

SAM

* * *

Yes. I am prepared.

CASTIEL

* * *

Good. And I better not hear any chanting from you.

SAM

* * *

I suppose I _did_ earn that punch to the throat last night.

CASTIEL

* * *

It was three in the morn— No, I am not getting into this right now.

You probably won't encounter many ōkami, because they mostly reside in Japan. However, the possibility is still there. You won't be able to pick one out of a crowd, because ōkami look like humans.

SAM

* * *

Apart from the razor-sharp fangs they can sprout.

DEAN

* * *

Right. That… kind of gives them away. Like their cousins, werewolves, ōkami can produce pointed teeth, which they use for eating their prey: humans. They each have their own preference of prey, whether it's young, white females; balding business men; Tibetan throat-singing monks… To each his own, I suppose.

SAM

* * *

Apart from the chompers, ōkami are superhumanly strong and fast, and they can't be killed by gunfire.

DEAN

* * *

Can anything?

SAM

* * *

Deer… Moose… Alpacas? I don't even know anymore.

DEAN

* * *

You can kill one of them by doing something like, say, shoving it headfirst into a wood chipper (suggested by a close friend, who has proven this to be affective). The "official" way to kill an ōkami is to stab it seven times with a bamboo dagger that has been blessed by a Shinto priest.

SAM

* * *

Yes, because we all have one of those hanging around.

DEAN

* * *

You know, I am technically certified to perform blessings like that.

CASTIEL

* * *

No way.

SAM

* * *

You are not.

DEAN

* * *

No, I am not.

CASTIEL


	25. Witches

**Notes: **SPNxBookworm and Jasper6509 asked for witches. SPNxBookworm also requester their familiars, so I put them in the chapter too. :)

* * *

**Witches:**

* * *

I hate witches. I always have, and I always will. Those evil sons of bitches are disgusting.

DEAN

* * *

They're not _all_ evil, Dean. Most just get corrupted by their power. Like politicians.

SAM

* * *

I know many politicians who practice witchcraft.

CASTIEL

* * *

Liar-liar, trench coat on fire.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, that was… really bad.

Anyone can practice witchcraft, but witches have a more concrete knowledge of the stuff, and they can harness more power. They often live near each other in groups, but they don't have to by any stretch; they're just social.

The power of witches can differ from extremely strong and dangerous, to barely even a threat. So, it's hard to say exactly what a witch can do. Different witches can do different things, so it depends on who you're facing. Generally, however, witches can at least cast spells with the use of hexes, rituals, curses, or charms. They can also normally brew potions.

SAM

* * *

The only one who I will allow to brew potions is Harry Potter. And even he is iffy.

DEAN

* * *

You've never even read those books or seen those movies.

SAM

* * *

I could like Harry Potter. You don't know me.

DEAN

* * *

Witches have to use objects most of the time to focus their powers. Amulets, special books, candles, hex bags, and various herbs can all be used for the purpose of witchcraft. Sometimes, albeit rarely, a witch can also have a familiar. These are…

SAM

* * *

Creepy. The word you are looking for is creepy.

DEAN

* * *

Familiars are shapeshifting (from a human to an animal) creatures that find and serve a single witch throughout their life. They must obey their witch, and are not actually strong at all. They can die as easily as a human.

SAM

* * *

So can witches, thank God. The easier it is to kill one of those things, the better.

DEAN

* * *

I am sure my Father would appreciate the sentiment.

CASTIEL

* * *

Was that a lie, too? I can never tell with you anymore. I don't know where you learned to lie, but it's really annoying.

DEAN

* * *

I learned from you, Dean…

CASTIEL


	26. Rugarus

**Notes: **TheChippedCup asked for rugarus. Cjabbott also pondered the fact that things were a little too easy for Sam. Wonder if I can fix that...

* * *

**Rugarus:**

* * *

Rugarus start out human, and live a normal human life. But when they reach a certain age, they start to transform into the creature they are. It's like monster puberty. But instead of acne and awkward boners they get an uncontrollable hunger for human flesh. It's lovely.

DEAN

* * *

That doesn't sound very lovely.

CASTIEL

* * *

Sarcasm, Cas. Learn it.

I'm surprised Sam hasn't added anything yet. I thought my monster puberty joke was pretty good. He should have complained.

DEAN

* * *

He most likely won't be posting to this chapter. I have pulled a prank on him.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas… Did you kill my brother?

DEAN

* * *

Of course not. I tied him to the hood of the Impala. If you look out the window you can see him there now.

CASTIEL

* * *

Oh my… Ha! Are those moose antlers?

DEAN

* * *

Yes they are.

CASTIEL

* * *

I am very proud of you, Cas.

But anyway… Rugarus. It's one hell of a genetic condition which makes a person have an overwhelming desire to eat people. First, they just get really hungry for food. Then, it starts to get weird. Once they eat human flesh, they change very quickly, getting gray, disgusting skin and red or black eyes. When they change, they aren't human any more, but vicious animals.

DEAN

* * *

Rugarus are incredibly strong and fast, have super senses, and are invulnerable to most weaponry. Burning it alive is the only way to kill a rugaru.

CASTIEL

* * *

And that's that. We make a pretty good team, huh?

DEAN

* * *

I suppose we do. The work we put out does seem to be superior to the work that we usually put out with Sam present. I elect we leave him strapped to the Impala while we write. It would be beneficial to the future hunters who read this.

CASTIEL

* * *

That… is an interesting thought. But I think we should untie him now. And you may want to get out of here when he is free. No need for you to get mauled by the moose on the loose.

DEAN

* * *

Think of the hunters…

CASTIEL

* * *

Not happening, Cas.

DEAN


	27. Prophets

**Notes: **Prophets were requested by TheChippedCup.

* * *

**Prophets:**

* * *

Prophets are humans that were chosen by Heaven to speak what is to come. They get their information through Heaven, and are guarded by an archangel, who protects them at any cost when any sort of danger makes itself present. Since only one prophet can exist at a time, once one is deceased, another takes his or her place as prophet.

SAM

* * *

Speaking of… What the fuck happened to Chuck?

DEAN

* * *

How long have you been waiting to say that?

SAM

* * *

A very long time. But seriously, what happened to him? Kevin just kind of… _happened_ one day.

DEAN

* * *

O_h_, I'_m_ s_u_r_e_ C_h_u_c_k _i_s _j_u_s_t _f_i_n_e.

CASTIEL

* * *

Dude… What the hell?

DEAN

* * *

You told me to learn sarcasm, so I have done just that. I have done research, and alternating letters between normal and italicized seems to be the only effective way of conveying sarcasm over the computer.

CASTIEL

* * *

Don't do that. Just say something about prophets.

DEAN

* * *

Very well. Angels have the names of all the prophets seared into our minds, as long as the person has been born. We know the sequence of all of them. It is quite a substantial list.

CASTIEL

* * *

So, what _did_ happened to Chuck?

SAM

* * *

I have no idea.

CASTIEL

* * *

You see, this is a problem, because now I don't know if he's being sarcastic or not. Maybe you should use that weird text, Cas.

DEAN

* * *

I wasn't being sarcastic. I never use sarcasm.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, this is a problem.

Oh, and Cas, just so we are clear, if you ever tie me up again I will personally go to Heaven and send God on your ass.

SAM

* * *

I am trembling with fear.

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **Also, can I gush about you guys for just a minute? Because you are all awesome and I love you. I was not expecting many people to like this fic, to be honest, let alone review/follow/favorite as much as everyone has. Plus, you are all incredibly kind and patient, and you put up with me. I'm over here _breeding_ plot bunnies and writing like ten fics at a time, and I try really hard to upload a chapter a day over here. But even if I don't write a chapter one day, you guys never complain and I just ahigdkjslagh

I love you guys. Thank you.

*end gushing*


	28. Djinn

**Notes: **Cariboucapecod, Jasper6509, Invader Kiwi, and SPNxBookworm all requested djinn. Very popular topic, I guess. :)

* * *

**Djinn:**

* * *

If you encounter a hermit with tattoos all over with a thing for drinking blood… That's not a hermit with tattoos all over with a thing for drinking blood. That's a djinn.

DEAN

* * *

Djinn are humanoid creatures who, I suppose, might just appear to be a heavily tattooed person. They survive on human blood by poisoning their victim with a touch. This poison will either kill the victim immediately, or leave them unconscious for long periods of time so the djinn can feed on them for a while.

In lore, djinns are similar to genies, in that they can read a person's mind and grant them their deepest wish. Real djinns can only cause their victims to have strong hallucinations while they are in their poison-induced coma.

SAM

* * *

Aside from the poison touch and wish-granting, djinn are, like every other freaking thing out there, superhumanly strong and fast. They can shapeshift to look like a human, and, of course, are immortal. Seriously, why does everything have to be immortal? It makes things difficult.

DEAN

* * *

They can be killed one way, though. A silver knife dipped in lamb's blood.

SAM

* * *

What kind of asshole creature can only die when a poor little lamb dies?

DEAN

* * *

I don't know, I guess they're not _too_ bad. They do let you be happy before you die, so I suppose that's something.

SAM

* * *

Yeah, I guess so… Hey Cas, what would you're hallucination be if you were caught by a djinn?

DEAN

* * *

A djinn would never be able to capture me. I am much too powerful.

CASTIEL

* * *

Humor me.

DEAN

* * *

Alright. I believe, at the moment, I would very much enjoy an outside setting, perhaps on a warm night with a setting sun. I would be sitting on a dick, left with my thoughts alone. Maybe a few quiet dicks swimming around the lake, not causing much trouble.

CASTIEL

* * *

Woah. Um… There are some things I don't need to know.

SAM

* * *

I meant to type 'dock,' then 'ducks.' That is not the scene I intended to set.

CASTIEL

* * *

Hey, to each his own, I guess.

DEAN

* * *

No, the lake was supposed to be swimming with fucks.

CASTIEL

* * *

I don't judge.

DEAN

* * *

_Dicks._

CASTIEL

* * *

You don't have to tell me twice.

SAM

* * *

_A FEW FUCKS BESIDE THE DICK!_

CASTIEL


	29. Music

**Notes: **Sherlockian082994 requested a chapter on music, and this happened.

Also, the soundtrack in Supernatural is perfection.

* * *

**Music:**

* * *

Music is a very important aspect of hunting. Or so I have come to understand by observing the Winchester brothers. It aids in the driving portions of hunting, as well as leisure time. It is essential to have it playing when no one is conversing, so there is less "awkward silence" and "I can hear you breathing."

There are two types of music: Good music and bad music. Dean said he has good taste in music, which means that good music generally consists of a strong guitar and drum set, and quite often has a male lead singer. Though women can also be the singer, as I have discovered from my research of Dean's collection of tapes. The genre of good music is called 'rock.' Some examples of rock are the band "Zepplin", some man who survived, and the entire state of Kansas.

The genre of bad music is apparently called 'country.' Dean said his brother has bad taste in music, and Sam's small singing device has mostly country music. This quite often consists of a twangy acoustic guitar accompanied by a singer with an accent originating in the South of the United States. These noises are bad for you. These sounds should not go in your ears. Country has a lot of songs about tractors, beer, and God. I don't see how songs including my Father could be considered bad music, but I will trust Dean.

I am not sure if it is considered good or bad music, but I enjoy classical. This consists of an orchestra, with string, woodwind, and brass instruments. Also there is sometimes an accompanying choir. When there is no choir, there are no lyrics to this music, but it is still pleasant to listen to.

Other than leisure, I'm not sure what purpose music serves. However, I believe good music does help hunters somehow. Dean seems to be doing fairly well, having died several times and come back each time. I would assume Sam to be doing much worse than he is now if Dean did not force him to listen to good music in the car.

CASTIEL

* * *

What the hell?

DEAN

* * *

Please don't tell Sam.

CASTIEL


	30. Time Lords

**Notes: **In light of the new Doctor Who that was on tonight (it was awesome, but I digress), I took rya-fire1's request of Time Lords and mb64's request of time travel and did this, a bit of a crossover. Well I say a bit...

* * *

**Time Lords:**

* * *

So apparently you can travel in time. Forward, backward, sideways, whatever. It's possible.

DEAN

* * *

Of course it's possible. I helped you travel back in time once.

CASTIEL

* * *

There's a humanoid alien (Yeah, alien.) called a Time Lord, who goes by the name of the Doctor. He can travel all over the universe and through time with the help of his machine, the TARDIS. That stands for Time and Relative Dimension in Space.

SAM

* * *

He calls it Sexy, and I can see why. She's _beautiful_! I am sorry, but if I didn't have my Baby, the TARDIS would be my vehicle of choice. That thing doesn't purr, it roars.

DEAN

* * *

I don't even need the help of a machine to travel in time. I can do it myself.

And you can't just wander through time like that. You have to be careful. Anything can change the past, which will change present-day. Time travel is tricky business.

CASTIEL

* * *

Maybe it's just tricky for angels. The Doctor was doing just fine.

DEAN

* * *

And get this. The Doctor has _two_ hearts! He's from a planet called Gallifrey. I still can't get over the fact that he is an alien. He looks and acts just like a person, though maybe he acts a little bit weirder. He's still cool, though. Time Lords are cool.

SAM

* * *

I am an angel of the Lord. I am literally the size of your Chrysler Building. I have four faces, and one is a lion. I have six wings. _Six_.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, this is not the time to be posting random facts about yourself!

DEAN

* * *

But…

CASTIEL

* * *

The Doctor travels with a companion most of the time, and let me tell you, being a companion is awesome. He just goes wherever, whenever, all the time. I would totally travel with him forever if given the choice.

DEAN

* * *

So how do you kill him?

CASTIEL

* * *

That's the thing; you really can't. At least, not easily. He regenerates his entire body when he gets hurt. But he doesn't get hurt very often. The Doctor is incredibly clever, so he can basically get out of any situation he is in.

SAM

* * *

And he saves _everybody_! Wherever he goes, he helps. Not just people, though. Aliens, animals, whatever. If it's alive, he wants to keep it that way. The Doctor is amazing.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah, that was definitely the best experience of my life. Remember that dual sunset on the planet with seven-and-a-half moons?

SAM

* * *

Oh, and the boulder that sprouted legs and talked?

DEAN

* * *

I'm cool, too…

CASTIEL


	31. Special Demons

**Notes: **angelstory800 asked for something on red- yellow-eyed demons, and LittleMadHattr asked for Lilith, so I put all the strangely colored demons together. Woo! Rainbow-eyes party!

* * *

**Special Demons:**

* * *

Apart from normal demons, there is an assortment of colorful, more dangerous demons. These come in all shapes in sizes. Creepy little girls, chubby Scottish assholes, etc.

DEAN

* * *

Basically, yeah. Normal demons, although powerful, are not as strong as other demons. Higher ranking demons can be spotted by the color of their eyes. One type is the crossroads demons, which have red eyes. These can be summoned and can grant a person one wish in exchange for their soul.

SAM

* * *

I had that experience. 0/10, would not recommend.

DEAN

* * *

Another special demon is Lilith, who can be detected by her white eyes. She was Lucifer's very first demon, and is probably the most powerful. In the hierarchy of Hell, she was near the top, basically only underneath Lucifer.

SAM

* * *

That's what she said.

DEAN

* * *

What is the matter with you?

SAM

* * *

What who said?

CASTIEL

* * *

No one, Cas, forget it. Anyway, the third special demon is the one we know of with yellow-eyes. His name is Azazel, and he served Lucifer as well. He was up in the ranks of Hell along with Lilith.

All of the demons I've mentioned hold a special place in the hateful part of me. This one, I think, holds the biggest position.

SAM

* * *

I will second that.

DEAN

* * *

Say it thrice, it's just as nice. I hated him, too.

ASH

* * *

Ash? Like, _the_ Ash? Party in the back, PBR, Dr. Badass Ash?

DEAN

* * *

The one and only.

ASH

* * *

What the Hell, man? We thought you were dead!

DEAN

* * *

Still am, dudes. You guys seem to be the only ones who have a problem with staying in the ground once you're buried.

ASH

* * *

Um… Ok. Let's try this again. How are you typing?

SAM

* * *

I can hack into secret angel airwaves. You don't think I can break past your little firewall? Seriously?

ASH

* * *

You hacked into our conversations?

CASTIEL

* * *

Ash, that's… That's incredible.

SAM

* * *

Yeah, I know. I don't how much longer I can keep you, though. The wifi here sucks.

ASH

* * *

How are you doing this?

CASTIEL

* * *

Holy shit, Ash. You're awesome.

DEAN

* * *

I'm serious, you should not be able to do that.

CASTIEL


	32. Archangels

**Notes: **JanusTheUnlucky7 requested archangels. A few people have asked for chapters on specific archangels, but I'll probably do a chapter on each one specifically eventually (like I did for Gabriel and Lucifer).

* * *

**Archangels:**

* * *

Archangels were the first type of angel created by God. They are winged, like normal angels, but are certainly more powerful, as they are much older. There are a total of five angels: Michael, the oldest and best warrior; Lucifer, the second oldest and most beautiful as well as beloved; Raphael, the third oldest; Gabriel, the best messenger; and Metatron, the Heavenly scribe.

SAM

* * *

They are much more powerful than regular angels. Archangels possess the powers of any other celestial being, though being much older, their powers are more defined and are at a higher level than us. They are some of the most powerful beings of all of God's creations.

However, archangels are weak to some of the same things other angels are. Holy oil and Enochian sigils, for example, can be used against them. Archangel blades and Lucifer's cage are two weapons that were specialized to be used againsr archangels.

CASTIEL

* * *

So we have Michael, the bossy big brother; Lucifer, the rebellious teenager; Gabriel, the annoying five year-old; Metatron, the Holy typewriter; and Raphael, the teenage mutant ninja angel. Michael and Lucifer are stuck in a box six _million_ feet under, Gabriel and Raphael are dead and gone… So that leaves us with the transformer?

DEAN

* * *

I'm not sure I understand all those references, but yes, I believe what you have said is true. Only one archangel remains.

CASTIEL

* * *

I resent that, Little Brother.

GABRIEL

* * *

You have got to be kidding me.

SAM

* * *

Aw, Sammy, don't say you're not happy to see me. You'll hurt my feelings.

GABRIEL

* * *

We have _got_ to put up better protection on this thing.

DEAN

* * *

Gabriel, how are you here? You were dead; we saw you.

CASTIEL

* * *

Oh, psh. How many times have I faked my death now? Low thousands? You should be used to it by now. Then again, you were always very gullible. Remember when I tricked you into thinking a fish had grown legs and walked to a water park?

GABRIEL

* * *

That was a joke…?

CASTIEL

* * *

Oh, Castiel…

GABRIEL

* * *

**Notes: **I promise the dead won't rise in every chapter! Lol I didn't mean to have two deceased characters pop up back to back, but all well...


	33. Pie

**Notes: **keslei requested a chapter where Dean secretly writes about pie. The Knife In Your Side also requested a bit of Destiel. :)

* * *

**Pie:**

* * *

Since Sam is out with Gabriel (They've been inseparable since he came back…) I've decided to take the time to talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart: Pie. Ever since I was a kid, I loved pie. It's delicious and, if it's a fruit-flavored pie, nutritious.

There are all kinds of pies. You've got your apple pie, pecan pie, chocolate pie, blueberry pie, pizza pie, pot pie, pumpkin pie, key lime pie… I could go on all day. The point is, there's always a new kind of pie out there. That's why I love pie. You can always try something new, but if it's terrible, you can always go back to good, old-fashioned apple pie.

One thing you need to remember is that _cake is not pie_. In no way is cake pie. You know what's not pie? Cake. Cake is cake. Pie is pie. Pie is not cake, and cake is not pie. These two things are not interchangeable, because they are not the same things. Cake. Is. Not. Pie.

Pie is delicious. If pie was a person, I would marry them without hesitation. No doubt about it.

DEAN

* * *

Hello, Dean, I am ready.

PIE

* * *

What? Who are you?

DEAN

* * *

I am Pie and I am ready to be married to you. Your brother is out with my own, so we have time.

PIE

* * *

Cas? You have got to be kidding me.

DEAN

* * *

No, it is not the angel Castiel. It is Pie.

PIE

* * *

Yes it is. How else would you know 'Cas' was short for Castiel, and that he was an angel? You're Cas.

DEAN

* * *

… No, it is Pie. Let's get married.

CASTIEL

* * *

Ok, you even put 'CASTIEL' as your name there. You are an idiot.

DEAN

* * *

… So is that a yes?

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **This was a shorter chapter than others lately. But there's only so much you can write about pie haha


	34. Jefferson Starships

**Notes: **Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been kinda sick lately, and honestly I just didn't feel like researching. But I feel a little better now, so I decided to write a chapter. :)

Jefferson Starships were requested by Dobby'sPolkaDottedSocks

* * *

**Jefferson Starships:**

* * *

For the record, I had no say in the name. That was all Dean.

SAM

* * *

Hell yeah it was.

DEAN

* * *

Starships are hybrids created by Eve, a very old and powerful being. They're a mix of several already-known creatures, like vampires, shapeshifters, wraiths, etc.

SAM

* * *

A monster cocktail, if you will.

DEAN

* * *

Um… Yeah. Anyway, since Starships are a mixture of so many creatures, they have the powers of these creatures. They have fangs like a vampire, a spike like a wraith, can shapeshift, and, like a werewolf, they have infectious bites. They have superhuman strength, speed, and stamina, which makes them very difficult to defeat.

SAM

* * *

The good thing about them being hybrids, though, is that they've got the same weaknesses. A silver blade can kill them with decapitation. And, like shifters, they show retinal flare in cameras, so they're easier to spot.

DEAN

* * *

I still can't believe you named them Jefferson Starships.

SAM

* * *

Don't dis the Starships, bitch.

DEAN

* * *

Jerk.

SAM

* * *

Don't insult my husband, Sam Winchester, or I will unleash the powers of Heaven upon you.

CASTIEL

* * *

Your… _Husband_?

SAM

* * *

Woah, Cas, what?

DEAN

* * *

You never answered my proposal, so I thought that was a yes.

CASTIEL

* * *

_No_. It's a no! I am not marrying you, Jesus Christ!

DEAN

* * *

I am not Jesus Christ; stop calling me that. And while I'm at it, please stop yelling my Father's name. How would you feel if I walked around saying "Oh my John Winchester!" or "Johndammit" or "Mother of John." It doesn't make sense, and it is annoying.

CASTIEL

* * *

Your husband seems bitter.

SAM

* * *

Shut up both of you.

DEAN


	35. Hellhounds

**Notes: **Jasper6509 wanted some hellhounds.

Also, I'm so sorry for people who don't ship Destiel. I try not to put it in a lot of chapters, but... Sometimes it just happens. Haha

* * *

**Hellhounds**:

* * *

You know, I'm usually a dog person, but I'm not a big fan of this breed. Hellhounds are demonic dogs that generally work for crossroads demons, though they can also be found working for normal demons. They carry out the collecting of souls when a person's time is up after they make a deal.

When they come to get a person's soul, hellhounds make their victim become extremely paranoid and fearful, sometimes driving them to kill themselves. If a person doesn't die of heart attack or suicide, the hellhound will rip them apart to get their soul. It's far from a pretty picture.

SAM

* * *

Doesn't feel too good either.

DEAN

* * *

The readers are going to think ghosts are writing this guide. We talk about dying a lot…

SAM

* * *

Yeah… Anyway, hellhounds can only be seen by the person they are pursuing. They are very large, black hounds with red eyes. They've got some weird black smoke that surrounds their body. Wonder what a hellpuppy looks like.

DEAN

* * *

There's no such thing as a hellpuppy. They would be unnecessary in Hell, so I seriously doubt they were ever created.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, but just think about if they did. Some creepy black shadow-dog with red eyes that comes up to your knee. Think they play fetch?

DEAN

* * *

They don't exist, Dean. Stop being stupid.

CASTIEL

* * *

Hellhounds are very powerful beasts. They are, as we said before, invisible to everyone but the person who is dying, and they cause their victims to hallucinate before they die. They are very strong and fast, and they are incredible trackers. They're harder to kill than a normal animal, too.

SAM

* * *

Woah, woah. Did you just call me stupid? What is the matter with you? Wait, this is about the whole husband thing, isn't it? I don't want to marry you, Cas. Get over it.

DEAN

* * *

A few things can slow down a hellhound. Salt, goofer dust, or a devil's shoe string above a door can keep a hellhound out. Iron is a good weapon against them as well. But a surefire way to kill them is by using the Colt or an angel blade.

SAM

* * *

If you didn't want to marry me then you should have told me no. I am an angel, Dean. I don't often feel human emotions, but I was definitely embarrassed to have to go back and tell others that I was not, indeed, getting married. And then I had to explain _why_. All of this could have been avoided if you had typed two little letters.

CASTIEL

* * *

So we're done talking about hellhounds?

SAM

* * *

Oh, please. How many people did you tell?

DEAN

* * *

… The entire garrison…

CASTIEL

* * *

_What_? Why would you tell that many angels you were getting married?

SAM

* * *

Because I was under the impression that I was getting married, Sam. My bad!

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, that is most certainly your bad, Cas. I am not taking the blame for this one. So stop trying to pin this on me.

DEAN

* * *

Fine. But I'm not going to call the Ghostfacers team again. _You_ can tell them we're not getting married if you want to. I don't like talking to those guys.

CASTIEL

* * *

What? Why would you even tell them that? Who else did you call? _How many_?

DEAN

* * *

I'm not sure, really. Just a few dozen…

CASTIEL


	36. Weaponry

**Notes: **Cjabbott and The Knife In Your Side (fitting name :P) requested a chapter on weapons.

* * *

**Weaponry:**

* * *

We stash weapons like kids stash candy. Or like Dean stashes candy. There's no difference.

SAM

* * *

Hey, those are snacks for later. Don't mock the snacks.

Hunters have to keep all sorts of weapons to be prepared for anything. Besides salt, holy water, iron, etc., you need to have actual weapons with you. Knives and guns and stakes.

DEAN

* * *

Oh my.

CASTIEL

* * *

Congratulations on your first pop culture reference, Cas. I'm proud of you.

SAM

* * *

What reference?

CASTIEL

* * *

Nevermind. Guns are definitely helpful when hunting. Silver or iron bullets and/or bullets with devil's traps carved in them are good to keep with these as well. Anything from pistols to shotguns, you need to keep. Seriously, less is not more. Fill your car, your bags, whatever.

SAM

* * *

And knives are good weapons for easy transport. You can fit a knife in the waist of your pants, in a coat pocket, or in a sleeve. Machetes are good for decapitation, too, though they're not as easily transported. People tend to notice if you carry a very long blade around with you.

DEAN

* * *

Really, you should be prepared for anything and keep every sort of weapon you can think of. You honestly never know when something can come in handy. An axe, a sword, or even a hammer could save your life.

SAM

* * *

You could bring along an extremely powerful being as well. A celestial being such as myself, for example, could do substantial damage to anything. I have been compared to a "ticking time bomb" at times.

CASTIEL

* * *

That's not a good thing, Cas. Besides, a hunter can just add an angel blade to their arsenal. Angels aren't that invincible. When has there ever been a bomb that fell victim to a little dagger?

SAM

* * *

It is not a little dagger. It is a very powerful and mystical blade that was created specifically to destroy one of the most powerful types of beings the world has ever seen.

CASTIEL

* * *

Oh, don't be so melodramatic. You got extra virgin olive oil in a paper cut once and thought you were going to die.

DEAN

* * *

I thought it was holy oil.

CASTIEL


	37. Sirens

**Notes: **Sirens were requested by SPNxBookworm and Kittyfan12.

* * *

**Sirens:**

* * *

WEEEEEEEEEEEE-WOOOOOOOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-WOO OOOOOOOOOO!

DEAN

* * *

Har har har, Dean. Not that kind of siren.

SAM

* * *

I am so funny it hurts sometimes.

DEAN

* * *

No, that would be the pain of me hitting you for being an idiot.

Sirens, the creatures, take on various to lure their victims into doing violent acts of "love." They can convince a person that they need to prove themselves devoted by doing these drastic acts. The victim believes they are doing it for good, though it usually ends in someone dying.

SAM

* * *

Ah, love. Hell of a thing.

DEAN

* * *

How would you know?

Sirens use a sort of venom to give their victims heavy doses of oxytocin, or the "love hormone," called so because it is released during sex. (I swear to God, Dean, you better delete whatever you have typed because it is probably inappropriate.)

SAM

* * *

It wasn't… Ok fine.

DEAN

* * *

Hyped up on love hormones, the victim feels a false sense of devotion to the siren, hence they will perform any act the siren tells them to. The creature feeds on the rush of emotions their victim feels while doing these things.

SAM

* * *

They will perform _any_ act? Maybe I should become a siren… My victims would perform lots of "acts of love", if you know what I mean.

DEAN

* * *

What is wrong with you today? You're more disgusting than usual.

To kill a siren, you have to stab it with a bronze dagger bathed in the blood of its victim. The venom it secretes into the bloodstream is what kills it.

SAM

* * *

Siren is Σειρήν in Greek.

CASTIEL

* * *

That's fascinating.

DEAN

* * *

Well then you may be interested to know that Σειρῆνες is the plural form of siren.

CASTIEL

* * *

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to say that's fascinating. I meant to say t_h_a_t_'s _f_a_s_c_i_n_a_t_i_n_g_.

DEAN

* * *

Oh… sarcasm, my greatest enemy.

CASTIEL


	38. Eve

**Notes: **A guest and XLastForever requested a chapter on Eve. :)

* * *

**Eve:**

* * *

Are you my mummy?

DEAN

* * *

No, but Eve is. She's known as the Mother of All Monsters.

SAM

* * *

Hey!

DEAN

* * *

She's not an angel or demon, though she is somehow related to the Leviathans. But whatever Eve is, she is incredibly powerful. She came to be even before the angels. She was deemed so dangerous, she was cast into Purgatory, where her "creations" (the monsters she makes) go after they die. Some of her creations are Jefferson Starships—

SAM

* * *

Hoo-hah!

DEAN

* * *

Uh… And the Alphas, which are the first of their type of creatures, and who all the species of monsters descend from.

Being so old and powerful, it's a given that Eve possess a lot of abilities and strengths. She is immortal, strong, and very fast. She has the ability of telepathy, teleportation, flight, regeneration, shapeshifting, and can shut off angels from their abilities.

SAM

* * *

It is more complex than just "shutting off" angels. Angels cannot simply be "shut off."

CASTIEL

* * *

Whatever. The only way to kill Eve is to use phoenix blood. It's like poison to her, and will kill her instantly. Though it leaves a bit of a mess…

SAM

* * *

Phoenix ash is not that easy to obtain, just FYI.

DEAN

* * *

I will second that notion.

CASTIEL

* * *

So… There's Adam and Eve, and all that. We've got Eve… Where's Adam?

DEAN

* * *

Shit.

SAM

* * *

What?

DEAN

* * *

We forgot Adam.

SAM

* * *

**Notes: **Yes you did boys now go aND GET HIM FROM HELL YOU ARE TERRIBLE HALF-BROTHERS!

*ahem* Sorry...


	39. Fairies

**Notes: **Requested by s-n-d-girl, LittleMadHattr, and Jasper6509.

This chapter turned luminous _like a fairy! _(anyone get that reference or do I just look weird right now...)

* * *

**Fairies:**

* * *

What the Hell, man? When did we become Peter Pan? Freaking Tinker Bells are real… Next we'll have to fight Voldemort.

DEAN

* * *

I don't think you are Peter. Your name is still Dean.

CASTIEL

* * *

Thanks, Cas.

DEAN

* * *

Why are you thanking me?

CASTIEL

* * *

Fairies can come in all sorts of forms, not just "Tinker Bell." They are from Avalon, another realm and dimension. There are leprechauns, elves, redcap, good fairies, and yes, tinks. There may be others, too, like trolls, sprites, goblins, gnomes, etc.

SAM

* * *

The good thing is, the little shits are OCD as Hell. All you have to do is pour some salt or sugar in front of them, and they have to count each grain one by one, no matter how powerful they are. And they're basically alcoholics, but with cream. Leave some cream out and the tiny drunkards will do whatever you want them to.

DEAN

* * *

If I leave whiskey out will you do anything for me, Dean?

CASTIEL

* * *

Screw you.

DEAN

* * *

Yes, Castiel, he will.

Fairies are magic, obviously, and that's the energy that fuels their powers. They can make themselves invisible to people, shapeshift, teleport, some can fly, some are very strong, and they are immortal.

SAM

* * *

I will not! Stop giving him ideas.

DEAN

* * *

Fairies are weak to, along with the cream and counting grains of salt/sugar, iron, silver, and radiation. So, if they can fit in a microwave… Blow 'em up.

SAM

* * *

Cas, did you seriously just leave a glass of— What is this? _Vodka_?— at the foot of my bed?

DEAN

* * *

Now groom my wings.

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **_Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear..._


	40. Dragons

**Notes: **mb64, Jasper6509, and rya-fire1 requested dragons.

The rest of this chapter was helped in large part by Selene's daughter, who gave me ideas and spurred on... Well, you'll see. :P

* * *

**Dragons:**

* * *

Dragons are supernatural creatures which, to a lot of hunters, aren't even seen as real. Because they're so rare, people just often think that they are works of fiction. However, unlike in lore where dragons are simply large, winged beasts, dragons can actually take human form in real life, so they can blend in well.

SAM

* * *

I see why they stay in human form, though. In their natural form, dragons are massive. Even so, they can move incredibly fast.

DEAN

* * *

Right. Along with super speed, dragons are very strong and can generate heat from their hands hot enough to melt metal. They are also invulnerable to most things. The only way to kill them is to stab them with a sword forged with dragon blood. These swords are, besides very dramatic, very hard to come by.

SAM

* * *

You know, I actually really like dragons, despite the fact that they are hard to deal with.

DEAN

* * *

Really?

SAM

* * *

Yeah. Ever since I was a kid I liked them. Remember Dragon Tales? That was my favorite show when I was little. I liked the blue dragon… Ord, was it? He was awesome.

DEAN

* * *

I never really took you for the cartoon type. You never watched them when we were kids.

SAM

* * *

That's because I didn't have time to once you passed the age of two. I had to make you three different meals every lunch before you realized you wanted cereal instead.

DEAN

* * *

You were a terrible cook. The only edible thing I could eat was cereal.

SAM

* * *

Whatever. All I wanted as a kid was to go to Dragon Land, but I couldn't because my stupid brother was too busy eating us out of house and home.

DEAN

* * *

Where is Dragon Land? We should go there. Perhaps the reason dragons are so rare is because they are all residing there? Or maybe there are no dragons in Dragon Land, like there is no ice in Iceland. That is very deceiving.

CASTIEL

* * *

Alright, let's go to Dragon Land. We could use a vacation.

DEAN

* * *

Is that where your honeymoon is going to be? Did I just witness the planning of your honeymoon? That's so romantic.

BECKY ROSEN-WINCHESTER

* * *

Becky, what are you doing here?

SAM

* * *

Becky, don't bother them. We just wanted to know when the wedding day was. Castiel never sent us the invitation he promised.

CHUCK

* * *

_What_?

DEAN

* * *

Yeah, he forgot mine too. I thought maybe he didn't have my address, but then I remembered he's an angel. He'd be able to find me no matter what, so...

CHARLIE

* * *

I just figured mine got lost on the way down here, but I guess he never sent mine either.

MEG

* * *

And why, pray tell, was I not invited to this?

CROWLEY, RIGHTFUL KING OF HELL

* * *

Oh, come on, we know why you weren't invited. The question is, why wasn't _I_?

BALTHAZAR

* * *

I hope I get an invitation, too. Bobby always said you two were good for each other, Dean and Castiel.

JODY MILLS

* * *

_ All of you leave us alone we are not getting married!_

DEAN


	41. Clothing

**Notes: **Loki's Aela Winchester Stark requested a chapter on clothing. :P

* * *

**Clothing:**

* * *

Are we really doing this chapter? Is this really that important?

SAM

* * *

Um, excuse you, but clothing is very important. There are things you can and cannot wear, and I think we should let people know that. Shall we look back on the three months when you decided it was a good idea to wear leather pants? Or how about your studded collar phase?

DEAN

* * *

I wore those pants for three days! I would have worn them for one, but they got stuck on my leg hair and it took me two days to get them off. And I never had a studded collar phase, you liar! You're the one who had a mohawk for two weeks before Dad made you cut it off.

SAM

* * *

Is a mohawk clothing? Didn't think so. Focus on the task at hand, Gigantor.

DEAN

* * *

Whatever. This chapter was your idea, so you have to write it.

SAM

* * *

Fine. Clothing is an essential part of a hunter. It is his armor, so he must choose it carefully. The garments must be versatile, flexible, and strong, like the hunter himself. Along with comfort, a hunter should keep in mind protection when choosing what to wear. Layers are important. Layers can deflect knives. Layer can save lives.

DEAN

* * *

I wear four layers at one time, and I do agree that it helps somewhat in protection. A sturdy coat, I believe, is a staple in anyone's clothing.

CASTIEL

* * *

Good shoes are necessary as well. They need to have strong laces and soles, so they won't fall apart with all the running you do. Really, all your clothes need to be strong enough to withstand weathering.

DEAN

* * *

Right. Because this is more important that learning about an actual threat. This is worth the space in this guide.

SAM

* * *

Yes it is. I think you should take some if this to heart, Sammy. Wearing something other than plaid could really be helpful.

DEAN

* * *

You do own an unusual amount of plaid…

CASTIEL

* * *

Now, there are things you should avoid when hunting. Ladies, any kind of heel you own needs to be trashed right now. Can you outrun a werewolf in stilettos? Neither can I. Hats will get caught in something, and so will scarves, jewelry, and any other loose things, so throw them out, too.

DEAN

* * *

What about my tie?

CASTIEL

* * *

Your tie is fine.

For when you are under cover as an FBI agent, or any other type of professional, you'll need to own a nice suit. They are stupid and uncomfortable, but yeah, you need one. But be prepared to toss the jacket and run, because it happens more often than not.

DEAN

* * *

You seem to know a lot about this subject, Dean… What gives?

SAM

* * *

I just… I don't know… Shut up.

DEAN

* * *

Dean Winchester… Are you… metrosexual?

SAM

* * *

No! Of course not. Shut up.

DEAN

* * *

You do have a lot of clothes that you carry around. And you always keep your hair trimmed. Your lips are always glossy. You spend the most time in the bathroom in the morning… Dean you are so vain.

SAM

* * *

I am not!

DEAN

* * *

Now I see why you wanted this chapter. You are a fashionista.

SAM

* * *

I am going to kill you.

DEAN

* * *

With your fabulous wardrobe.

SAM


	42. Purgatory

**Notes: **Sly Deviant wanted some Purgatory. *rubs hands together*

* * *

**Purgatory:**

* * *

Been there, done that.

DEAN

* * *

I have been there as well.

CASTIEL

* * *

We should start a club. The Purgatory Club. We can make t-shirts.

SAM

* * *

They can say "I went to Purgatory and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and restless nights filled with horrible nightmares." There could be a Leviathan on the back.

DEAN

* * *

I wear an adult large.

CASTIEL

* * *

Purgatory is a place God created for the souls of monsters to go after they die, like a Heaven or Hell for creatures… sort of… It's an endless forest, where the souls roam around and prey upon each other for eternity.

God created this place initially to hold the Leviathans when they proved to be too dangerous. Eventually, Eve came to be in this place, and she created the Alphas, who went on to create their respective races. When the creatures died, their souls were destined to go to Purgatory.

SAM

* * *

I tell you what, those Leviathan are everywhere in Purgatory. Those sons of bitches come out of nowhere.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah, but we can bitch them up every time.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, that's not how you use bitch.

DEAN

* * *

We will shit them up?

CASTIEL

* * *

Just stop trying to cuss. You're not good at it.

DEAN

* * *

Purgatory was never meant to host humans inside of it. So, when Dean was in there as well as when I was there, a portal appeared to return us home. This happens whenever a human goes near the portal; it will activate and let the person escape.

SAM

* * *

If you want to get _into_ Purgatory, though I don't recommend it for a vacation spot, you can hitch a ride with a reaper. They can hop to and from whenever they want.

DEAN

* * *

From Purgatory, you also have access to a door that leads straight to Hell. You can open this up and go back and forth between the two. Though, I will stress this point, you probably don't want to. It isn't as exciting as it sounds.

SAM

* * *

It doesn't sound exciting at all.

CASTIEL

* * *

Dammit, you know what?

SAM

* * *

What?

DEAN

* * *

I think I left the door to Hell open when I left…

SAM

* * *

What!? Why did you say that so casually? This is not like leaving a candle burning when you go to the grocery store. Unless that candle explodes and combines all of the souls from Purgatory and Hell to create one massive army that could take over everything!

DEAN

* * *

Well ass, this is not good.

CASTIEL

* * *

_Stop trying to cuss you suck at it!_

DEAN


	43. Covers

**Notes: **I am so sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I had some major schoolwork, and when I did sit down to write Sunday night, a plot bunny infested my mind and I couldn't focus on this.

But here it is now! *smiles nervously*

No one really outright requested this I think... Buuuuuuuut all well.

* * *

**Covers:**

* * *

When you become a hunter, you are no longer you; you become some new you, who is the hunter you. You are still you, just not _you_ you. You're no longer your name, or yourself… Well, you're yourself, just not _your_self.

SAM

* * *

Stop while you're ahead. What Sam means is you need to stay undercover. When you're fighting monsters, you don't want to shake their hand and say, "Hi, I'm Dean Winchester, I'll be killing you today." The less personal information that is given out, the better. That way, it's harder to be tracked.

DEAN

* * *

You need to have as many different aliases as possible, and as many fake IDs as you can hold. FBI, CIA, homeland security, and whatever other jobs. Basically, any sort of ID that will get you into anywhere you want to go.

SAM

* * *

And get ready for people to call the numbers on the cards. You need to have someone trustworthy on the other end of the phone, ready to pick it up and take whatever role is thrown their way.

DEAN

* * *

Most importantly, do not reuse names. Again, you don't want to be tracked by anyone, and using the same fake name over and over is a surefire way to get yourself hunted. Beside using your real name, reusing names is the most dangerous thing you can do when it comes to being undercover.

SAM

* * *

Make the names believable, too. In my opinion, "John Smith" and "Mary Sue" are a bit too common to no be suspicious.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah. Because your "Yuda Bomm" name was so believable. Right up there with "Lee Nover."

SAM

* * *

I think you need to Lucy Adda-Tood, mister.

DEAN

* * *

So help me I Will Stabbue.

SAM

* * *

Heywood Gillette me know what is happening right now?

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas that was actually a pretty good one.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah nice job.

SAM

* * *

Of course it was good. I am an Angel U. Dick.

CASTIEL


	44. Ghostfacers!

**Notes: **Sly Deviant requested ghosts, because they thought I hadn't written a chapter over them yet. :P (I looked, and I actually did) That, mixed with ConfusedSoAmI's request of Ghostfacers and... this happened.

(Also, I am beta-reading a story for ConfusedSoAmI, so if you wanna check that out, it's called Run. Supernatural fic... :D)

* * *

**Ghostfacers!:**

* * *

There is no way I'm letting those jerks steal this topic. Not on my watch. For the sake of future hunters, the Ghostfacers will write this chapter.

ED

* * *

Kenny, did you lock the _Lose_chesters out of the document?

HARRY

* * *

I think so… I did everything the hacking booklet told me to do, so I think we're good.

KENNY

* * *

Great. Alright, readers, I think it's time to introduce ourselves. My name is Ed, and we are the famous Ghostfacers. We face the ghosts when others will not, and stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot. We face the nightmare… we face the dread… we face the faceless… we face the dead. Our team consists of myself, Harry, Kenny, Ambyr, and Maggie.

ED

* * *

Unlike the Winchester brothers, we actually know what we're doing. We have a web series, equipment, and knowledge to take down any ghost we're faced with. Hence the name Ghostfacers.

HARRY

* * *

We are professionals, so listen up, and we will tell you about ghosts. Sis, go.

ED

* * *

Don't call me Sis. Ghosts are spirits of the dead, left behind to haunt places. They are invisible, but can make themselves seen if they are powerful enough.

MAGGIE

* * *

Ok, seriously, guys? Seriously?

DEAN

* * *

We already wrote about ghosts, too.

SAM

* * *

Abort! Abort mission!

HARRY

* * *

Calm down, Harry. They aren't a threat. Kenny, I thought I told you to lock them out.

ED

* * *

I'm not a computer expert! I operate a camera… Barely.

KENNY

* * *

Get out. Just… get out.

SAM

* * *

I will gut you.

DEAN

* * *

Fine, we are leaving. But only because we want to.

ED

* * *

**Irrelevant Note: **Do you guys like the Ghostfacers? I think they're hilarious, but my mom absolutely hates them. xD


	45. The Apocalypse

**Notes: **I'm gonna stop apologizing for not updating, because that's probably as annoying to you guys as not updating...

Surviving the Apocalypse was requested by Loki's Aela Winchester Stark and LilyBolt.

Disclaimer: I have not lived through an Apocalypse, nor do I plan to. My tactic would be try not to die too painfully. All of this information is speculation. If I wasn't so lazy, this would be my survival plan. :P

* * *

**The Apocalypse:**

Ok, time to get serious. I assume most people know what the Apocalypse is, but in case you don't, I'll explain it in four words: End of the world. It was predicted thousands of years ago. Lucifer was to rise from Hell when 66 seals were broken, bringing the Apocalypse with the help of the four horsemen. The archangel Michael was foretold to come down and face Lucifer in a final battle, destroying him.

Well… You missed it. The Apocalypse has come and gone, but as you may see, we're all still here. Just because the world is predicted to end, doesn't mean it will. My brother and I survived and stopped it, and we're going to tell you how to do it again if there is another Apocalypse.

SAM

* * *

Number one rule for the Apocalypse is don't panic. If you start running around screaming "We're all gonna die!" you are annoying and not helpful whatsoever. You need to get yourself together and focus, because it's the friggin' Apocalypse.

First, find out what's going on. If there are seals and they are being broken, do some research and find out what seals there are. If at all possible, prevent them. If you can prevent the Apocalypse from even happening, it'll solve the entire problem. If the seals re already broken, this is the point where you need to get down to business and protect yourself.

DEAN

* * *

Never forget your provisions. I cannot stress this enough. Food, water, and shelter are the three obvious necessities, but think deeper. Toilet paper, defenses and weapons (salt, guns, iron, etc), internet to keep up-to-date on information. Just don't stop at hot dogs and water bottles; you'll need a lot more than that.

SAM

* * *

Do not try to get in the middle of things. Trust me, being a part of the Apocalypse is _not_ fun. If you can sit back in a secure room and live off of canned foods until it's over, do it. Buy some porn and some beer, sit back for a while, and try not to think too much about what's going on. If you are faced with some problems, take care of them then go back into your little hole and don't come back out for anything.

DEAN

* * *

Now, this is all a just-in-case. The Apocalypse has come and gone, and as far as I know, that's that. I don't know if there will be another one, or if you'll even need this information, but whatever.

SAM

* * *

As far as I know, my brothers and sisters do not want to repeat those events. I have heard nothing about another Apocalypse coming. Though they might just not be telling me things anymore. Last time they told me things I became God…

CASTIEL

* * *

Even still, this is good information. Take notes. Don't die. Good luck.

DEAN

* * *

Godspeed.

SAM

* * *

Gesundheit.

CASTIEL


	46. Moose

**Notes: **I didn't feel like doing a lot of research (too tired *yawn*) so I did a silly little chapter.

Meemebear requested moose. :)

* * *

**Moose:**

* * *

Moose are very large herbivorous creatures found in many parts of the world. They can be spotted by their tall stature and shaggy, brown hair. They typically feed on vegetation, as opposed to meat products. Moose appear to be very gangly and slow-moving, but they can move with great speed if startled or agitated. Normally, a moose will not travel in a herd, and instead will stay to themselves.

DEAN

* * *

Oh, har har har, Dean. You are so funny.

SAM

* * *

What? I am just writing about moose. I don't see what's so funny.

DEAN

* * *

I think Sam is mentioning the striking resemblance he has to that description of a moose. I must admit, it does sound like you are describing him.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, Cas. Thanks.

SAM

* * *

No thanks are necessary. So, if you are a moose and Dean is a squirrel, then what am I?

CASTIEL

* * *

I am not a squirrel.

DEAN

* * *

Um… I'm not sure. Let me think…

SAM

* * *

I am not a freaking squirrel.

DEAN

* * *

Maybe you are a cat? No… a _kitten_. Yeah, I'm thinking kitten. What do you think, Dean?

SAM

* * *

I think I'm not a squirrel, that's what I think. Seriously? A _squirrel_?

DEAN

* * *

Hm… Yes, kitten. I can see. I could be called Catsiel.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yes! And instead of a trench coat, you've got a fur coat. Literally.

SAM

* * *

I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from _purr_dition.

CASTIEL

* * *

I. Am. Not. A. Squirrel.

DEAN

* * *

Oh my God, Cas. I'm dying over here!

SAM

* * *

Are you _feline_ ok, Sam?

CASTIEL

* * *

Why a squirrel? I just… Why?

DEAN

* * *

**Notes: **So what animals do you think Sam, Dean, and Cas are? I think Sam is a moose and Cas is a kitten, but I'm not so sure about Dean...


	47. Hell

**Notes: **So it was a mutual agreement from everyone that Sam is (obviously) a moose, and Cas is a kitten. For Dean, I got you guys saying dog, wolf, tiger, squirrel, and hamster. Squirrel/hamster people argued that he fits a ton of food in his mouth, so I see that point very well. lol I think moonChild222 wins with coonhound though, because the description of the dog fits perfectly (In my opinion).

Anyway! Hell was requested by Sly Deviant and IzzyDelta, so here it is. StarStreakedSky also asked for some Cas bashing Dean, so there's a bit of that, too. :)

* * *

**Hell:**

* * *

We've all been to Hell, too, haven't we? I feel like we're doing that "visit every state" thing, but instead of Nevada and Montana we go to Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. I'd hate to see what place is next.

DEAN

* * *

I hope it's not Australia.

CASTIEL

* * *

What's wrong with Australia?

DEAN

* * *

Lucifer was the main angel in charge of the wildlife put there. Notice how everything is large and poisonous.

CASTIEL

* * *

Speaking of Lucifer: Hell. It is a place created by God where some souls go for punishment after they die. People are tortured in terrible ways until they themselves become demons. Hell is so bad, even the demons want to get out. It's just… Well, it's Hell. No one wants to be there.

SAM

* * *

There's more than one way to sneak into Hell, so if you're dying for a peek, you don't have to _actually_ die. There is a door in Purgatory, and a Devil's Gate in Wyoming. I'm sure there are more doors, but I for one am not going to actively search them out. I've done my time in Hell, and I do not want to press rewind.

DEAN

* * *

Angels can access Hell by our sheer power. When we work together, the angels can even rescue a soul. Dean, for example…

CASTIEL

* * *

Thanks for that, by the way.

DEAN

* * *

I would say no problem, but it was quite a big problem. Getting you out was one of the hardest things I have ever done. You're welcome, nonetheless.

CASTIEL

* * *

Um…

DEAN

* * *

In Hell, there is a cage that holds Lucifer. Currently, Crowley has the position of King of Hell, though the position can change over time.

SAM

* * *

Seriously, taking a soul out of Hell is a difficult task. You cannot fathom the amount of power the angels had to gather together to do that. We had to work together and use an unbelievable amount of energy just to get me down there, then I had to pull your fat ass out all by myself. You're lucky you got out with just that handprint. I almost fried your entire body squeezing you out.

CASTIEL

* * *

Well then.

DEAN


	48. Shojo

**Notes: **Ok this was a pretty fun chapter to write.

Leahelisabeth requested Shojo, and suggested that they be drunk while writing it.

* * *

**Shojo:**

* * *

Alright alright, so get this. Shojo are like… ghost monster things. I don't even know. They are monsters, but like ghosts. But they aren't ghosts. It's real weird. Real, real weird. But whatever I guess they can be a bipolar species. Bispecies? Bimonster? Ha, just like you Dean. _Biiiii_!

SAM

* * *

You're a douchehat. We killed the friggin' Shojo an hour ago. You can stop drinking now.

DEAN

* * *

Take your own advice. I'll have to drive you to AA if you keep this up, but I'm too drunk to drive so you're gonna have to hitch a ride on the Lame Train. Toot toot!

SAM

* * *

Wow that was a good one. You forget that the only reason I drink is to blur my vision so I don't have to stare at your hideous hair that won't stop growing. You look like Medusa.

Anyway, Shojo can be harnessed by someone with a spell box to carry out whatever task they want. Mainly, you know, murder. Though, I'd like to harness one for some other desires, if you know what I mean.

DEAN

* * *

You're disgusting, Dean. You… you're disgusting. Dis-gus-ting. _Disssss_gusting…

SAM

* * *

The wonderful thing about Shojo is you have to be smashed to see them. Which I guess is kind of nice of them. I never want to be sober when I hunt, so it's a nice surprise when drinking comes in handy. Other than that, though, they really suck. They've got telekinesis and they're really strong. Oh, and kitty's got some claws. _Mrow_!

To kill them, get a katana blessed by a Shinto Priest, then shish kabob that mother.

DEAN

* * *

Don't grill them and eat them, though. That'd be pretty gross.

SAM

* * *

Swosrry Im late gyus, my mouse ran away addn I had to find it. Little sneak.

CASITEL

* * *

Cas, you have a laptop. It doesn't have a mouse.

DEAN

* * *

Oh that'sf why I neber found it Ha.

CASTIEL

* * *

Exactly how much did you have to drink, buddy?

DEAN

* * *

I lost count after a while. I took sa,mples of everuthing I could find though. Tehre are a ;ot f drinks out there. Really I only feel a litte enibratied tough.

CASIREL

* * *

I think you and Sam had a bit too much. Got a little too into the job, huh?

DEAN

* * *

You know what Dean shut up. You are being so so hypocritical. So hypocritical. So hypocritical. Not so-so. More like so, so.

SAM

* * *

'm so durnk

CASUT

* * *

**Notes: **I just typed all of Castiel's lines with my eyes closed. I... don't really know what was happening with Sam. xD I guess he liked repeating himself. In my mind he kind of started singing the lines he repeated, but whatever... And Dean is always drunk so he's fine I suppose.


	49. First Aid Care

**Notes: **I'm so sorry I forgot about this! JanusTheUnlucky7 also requested Shojo, and I forgot to write that in last chapter. I'm sure that's not the first

(or last) time that has happened, but at least I caught this one, right?

First aid care was was requested by LilyBolt, and hungover Sam was requested by StarStreakedSky.

* * *

**First Aid Care:**

* * *

Hunting is a dangerous job, so you're bound to get some scrapes and bruises along the way. Knowing how to take care of them is probably more important than trying to avoid them all together. You won't be able to dodge every single blow, but you can heal every one of them.

And you can't really go into the hospital for these sorts of wounds. They'll want to investigate how you got it, and saying you got scratched by a wendigo probably won't go too well for you.

DEAN

* * *

Yeah, and don't just let wounds fester. Take care of your body, because it's your biggest weapon, or whatever.

SAM

* * *

For my brother's sake, we'll start with how to take care of a hangover. How are you holding up, Sammy?

DEAN

* * *

I am fine.

SAM

* * *

I can practically hear your bitchiness through the computer. Ok, I suggest a lot of nice sleep, as much water as you can swallow, and a long shower. If you're feeling up to it, take a little jog to get your juices flowing. Do that, and your hangover should go away in no time.

DEAN

* * *

Dean, it is not working. I drank seventeen gallons of water this morning and I ran to Florida and back, but my head still hurts. You told me it would work. I am irritable, any form of light is physically painful, and I feel like there is a rapidly growing fetus inside of my head, pushing against the sides as hard as it can. Is this what you deal with every day?

CASTIEL

* * *

No, I do not deal with that every day. You're just a virgin when it comes to alcohol. Why don't you go take a nap? I think I heard Sam step out for a jog, so it'll be quiet for you. I'll take care of this chapter.

DEAN

* * *

Very well. Might I add, drinking alcohol is not worth this. You must be a masochist, Dean.

CASTIEL

* * *

You become a dick when you're hungover. Just go to sleep.

Ok, so we've got the cure to a hangover (at least for humans), so now let's get to the good, bloody stuff. Whether it's a bullet wound or a cut, the first thing you want to do is stop the bleeding. Tie something above the wound to cut off blood flow, and apply pressure to the area. If there's a bullet, get it out. But don't cause too much extra damage trying to feel around for the thing.

Next, you'll need to clean it out. Any form of alcohol is great for sterilization. You can rub the wound gently with a clean towel or cloth to remove any extra debris, but again, make sure not to rub too hard and cause any tearing of the muscle or skin.

Lastly, if the wound is deep enough, you need to stitch it back up. A clean needle and some nice thread will do the job. Just sew it shut and try not to think too much about what you're doing. Clean it again when you're finished, and voila! Now walk it off.

DEAN

* * *

It still isn't working. I can't fall asleep.

CASTIEL

* * *

How about I knock your angel ass out? How does that sound?

DEAN

* * *

Not ideal, but if you think it will work…

CASTIEL

* * *

**Notes: **Please do not actually take any of this advice... lol


	50. God

**Notes: **Woo! Fifty chapter! Landmark! Let's have a party! Exclamation marks!

Seriously, though. This thing has 50 whole chapters. That's insane. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with it.

Psalm P.-C requested God, and a Guest asked for something on Dean's amulet, so there's a bit about that in here.

* * *

**God:**

* * *

God is… Well, He's God. It's a little self-explaining. Big guy upstairs, looking over everyone, listening to your prayers, blah blah blah. If you ask me, he seems like the biggest dick of them all.

DEAN

* * *

Dean! That is my Father you are talking about. He is eminently powerful and wise, the creator of all things you know. He created you, sculpted your life into what it is, and that's how you repay Him? I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't speak ill of Him.

CASTIEL

* * *

And when is the last time you've heard from him? Face it, Cas, he's a dead-beat dad. Also, if he shaped my entire life, I'd rather punch him in the face for it than say thanks. He could have made my life a little easier for me.

DEAN

* * *

God's form is beyond anything you could ever comprehend. Punching Him would be impossible for you.

CASTIEL

* * *

Taking personal opinions out of this, God is an omnipotent being that created just about everything. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, and Earth were all made to hold his creations, which include humans, Leviathan, angels, and the archangels.

SAM

* * *

Really, though, humans are great creators as well. I think that's one reason God loves you so much. I mean, what other creation of His could come up with Shamwows and Snuggies? A blanket with sleeves… magnificent.

CASTIEL

* * *

Yeah, I don't really think that's our greatest feat.

DEAN

* * *

God was one of the first beings to ever exist, next to Death. He is endlessly powerful, immortal, and omniscient. He can resurrect beings from the dead, grant power to others, and heal any sort of wound.

SAM

* * *

So He can patch up paper cuts, big deal.

DEAN

* * *

How many times have you come back from the dead, Dean? Do you think it was just sheer luck? Your returns were acts from God. Now, I think it'd be wise if you started thanking Him for his generosity.

CASTIEL

* * *

I'm going to Hell anyway. Might as well go down swinging.

DEAN

* * *

You still think your soul is damned? If you only knew how many lives you've saved, how much you've changed things for the better, then you'd know exactly where your soul is bound. It is not Hell. It was never Hell.

CASTIEL

* * *

I seriously doubt that.

DEAN

* * *

Um… Yeah, so God is currently MIA. No one knows where he is or what he's doing. There's an amulet, one that I gave Dean a long time ago, that is said to be able to locate God. It burns hot when He is near. However, there was no such luck when Castiel tried to use it to find God.

SAM

* * *

I suppose if God does not want to be found, He will not be found. No amulet will change that.

CASTIEL

* * *

Hey, don't think like that. God will show up. Maybe He _is_ the amulet, huh? I bet that's it!

DEAN

* * *

God is not a piece of jewelry.

CASTIEL

* * *

Bitch I might be.

GOD

* * *

Ok seriously there has to be something wrong with this system. How the hell is everyone hacking into this?

DEAN

* * *

I am God. There is no wall, firewall or other, that can hold me back.

GOD

* * *

Alright buddy, show's over. You had your laugh, now go away.

DEAN

* * *

Father, please do not leave again. Dean Winchester knows not what he says.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, don't encourage them. Why would God have a computer?

DEAN

* * *

I have my reasons, Dean Winchester. Castiel, you are a loyal soldier. I commend you for your faithfulness. Even you, Sam Winchester, have kept your faith. It seems that you, Dean, are the only one who remains uncertain of my love.

GOD

* * *

Ok, I refuse to fuel this stupid fire. Whoever you are, cut it out.

DEAN

* * *

I will always remain loyal to you, Father. I have had my doubts in the past, but I will always come back to you.

CASTIEL

* * *

Cas, that's not God. Don't… don't talk to them.

SAM

* * *

You cannot prove that I am or am not God. You must simply have faith.

GOD

* * *

I seriously doubt God introduces himself with "Bitch."

DEAN

* * *

He is God. He can say whatever he wants.

CASTIEL

* * *

Damn right I can.

GOD

* * *

**Notes: **Hm... Is it God? I wonder...

Also, before I forget to say something, I want to mention that I'll be going to Boston for a week on Thursday. I'm on summer vacation now, so I'm going to try to write more chapters and update more. Hopefully I can write a few extra chapter for you guys in the next couple of days, because I won't be updating while in Boston.


End file.
